Tell the truth: How shocked are you by the latest WikiLeaks "secrets"?

National-security-inspired secrecy has been a concern at least dating back to the administration of President Merkin Muffey (Peter Sellers), who's challenged here by security-conscious Gen. Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott) -- in Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove. (For more of the scene, look here.)

by Noah

While Washington is in a state of apoplexy and hyperventilation over the WikiLeaks matter, I have to say that this is yet another example of how out of touch with reality they all get inside the Beltway. I mean, really, is there anything we didn't already assume or surmise about the players and events mentioned in the leaks? Yet if we were to believe the dunderheads in Washington, this is the end of the world. Yes. I understand that governments need some secrecy, but I suspect that what really bothers Washington isn't so much that the WikiLeaks offer up secrets, which technically they might as that they offer up confirmation of what we already knew.

The examples run from the serious to the hilarious. Here are a few:

1. There have been thousands of war crimes in Afghanistan. Wow! That never crossed our minds.

2. German Chancellor Angela Merkel has a cold and uncreative personality. OK, I know it's a stereotype, but really, a cold German? Who knew?

3. Middle Eastern countries, led by the Saudis, want us to bomb Iran. No way! They want us to take out an oil competitor? Like they wanted us to disable the Iraqi oil fields for a while. Now, who would benefit from that? Yeah, I know. They say it's about Iran's nuke program. Last time it was about WMDs.

4. Putin is a party animal who shows up late for work, and some days not at all. We've heard this for years. In fact, I bet when Dubya looked into Putin's eyes, he didn't see the integrity of his soul. He saw himself as he was 15 years previous.

5. Russian officials are authoritarian and corrupt.

6. Hezbollah gets weapons help from Syria. That's a surprise?

7. India doesn't like Pakistan's army.

8. Secretary of State Clinton asked our diplomats to write up assessments of their counterparts. Are we really supposed to believe that's never happened before?

9. Kim Jong-il "is a flabby old chap." I think I remember this as a nursery rhyme or some playground taunt when I was seven.

10. Ahmadinejad is "like Hitler." Hey, never heard that before!

11. Khadafy travels with a really hot nurse. And she travels with an old guy who oozes cash and likes to dress up as a military guy with a riding crop. Say no more.

The bottom line to Washington really may just be that the the leaks say more about the kind of people who go into government, regardless of what country we are talking about. It seems that there are drunken frat boys and sorority girls everywhere. On top of that, it's a bit sad that the whole thing reads like it's a diary written by a bitchy high school cheerleader who has way too much to say about everybody but herself.

WHAT WILL WASHINGTON DO ABOUT ALL THIS?

As usual, comedian Andy Borowitz has his finger on the DC pulse:

BOROWITZ REPORT

U.S. Orders Diplomats to Stop Telling Truth Until Further Notice
Fallout from WikiLeaks Mess

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the first major policy fallout from the WikiLeaks disclosures, the State Department has ordered all U.S. diplomats to “cease and desist telling the truth until further notice.”

“We are working overtime to try to make sure that leaks like these don’t happen again,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told reporters. “But until we’ve got the leaks plugged, it’s incumbent on all our diplomats to put on their lying caps.”

Secretary Clinton noted that since many US diplomats are major political donors with long careers in the business world, “this shouldn’t be a reach for them.”

But for those career diplomats who came up through the Foreign Service, the State Department will be holding a series of “truth avoidance seminars,” led by executives of Goldman Sachs.

Additionally, Secretary Clinton said, the State Department would install on all diplomats’ computers new software called CandorShield™, which automatically translates truthful language into a less embarrassing truth-free version.

For example, she explained, the software would translate the phrase “two-faced weasels” into “trusted Pakistani allies” and would delete all references to French President Nicolas Sarkozy as “Monsieur Shorty Pants.”

Elsewhere, Interpol issued this statement about its pursuit of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange: “We will find Julian Assange, and then we will hire him.”

LUCKILY, ONE CATEGORY OF CITIZENS IS BEING SHIELDED
FROM THE SHOCKING REVELATIONS: U.S. GOV'T EMPLOYEES

From Al Kamen's Washington Post "In the Loop" column yesterday:

Browse at your own risk

Meanwhile, even though most everyone on Earth has seen these documents, federal agencies are warning employees that they are still secret and cannot be viewed on government computers.

The Commerce Department's Monday e-mail "Guidance regarding WikiLeaks" told all employees and contractors that "recent reports indicate that a number of government documents" were posted by Julian Assange's operation and the documents "may or may not contain . . . classified information." (Sure seems as though they do.)

This "information is NOT authorized for downloading, viewing, printing, processing, copying or transmitting" on your government "computers, laptops, blackberries or other communications devices," the e-mail says. You might create a "potential security incident."

"There has been a rumor that the information is no longer classified" maybe because it's gone viral, bigger than the Beatles. "This is NOT true," the Commerce Computer Incident Response Team (DOC-CIRT) says, citing a dictate to that effect from President Obama a year ago - Executive Order 13526. "Unauthorized disclosure" doesn't mean a document is legally declassified.

So don't download or even read any of the stuff on your computer. "Accessing the WikiLeaks documents will lead to sanitization of your PC to remove any potentially classified information from the system and result in possible data loss," the e-mail warns. (Listen, you will not like it when they take the giant Brillo pad to your hard drive.)

The Education Department, citing the same executive order, said Tuesday in an e-mail that no one from the agency should look at the documents on their government computers. "To ensure this, the WikiLeaks site is being blocked by the Department," the e-mail said.

Looking at classified information on your unclassified computer "is considered a 'spillage,' " the message said, which is a "computer security event that must be properly remediated." If you've already looked at the documents, call the IT guys and "they will work with you to remediate your device." Nothing like teamwork.

Meanwhile, our colleagues Keith Richburg in Beijing and Leila Fadel in Baghdad write that "authoritarian governments and tightly controlled media in China and across the Arab Middle East have suppressed virtually all mention of the documents, avoiding the public backlash that could result from such candid portrayals of their leaders' views."

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