Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Noah Diaries 2011 (6): "I really don't think that collective bargaining has any place in representative government" (Sen. Jim DeMint)


Madrassas and palm trees in Wisconsin, Mike Huckabee's Mau-Maus, Sean & Kase, the real NFL lockout victims, and more

It'd be something if Southerners were at least embarrassed
by arrogant dunces likes SC Sen. Jim DeMint (see 3/3).

by Noah

3/2/11 -- Scott Walker, father of Wisconsin Islam

The Wisconsin education bill put forward by teabag Gubaner Scott Walker will effectively destroy public education and replace it with privatized schooling designed to benefit various outside corporate interests. That would allow christonuts and teabagger types to put their kids in schools that preach creationism and bring their children up in an isolated Christian Wonderworld with little or no awareness of others -- or reality, for that matter. Wait till these people realize that the same laws would allow for Moslems to do the same thing. In other words, Scott Walker could end up putting Islamic madrassas in their towns.

3/2/11 -- Loofah Boy strikes again!

The palm trees make Madison a popular winter destination.

Last night Bill O'Liely reported fistfights at the demonstrations in Madison, Wisconsin. As if to compensate for the shortcomings of his staff, Bill-O always makes a big deal of saying that unlike on other networks, FOX always backs up its reporting with facts, nothin' made up here, nosireee! Problem is that palm trees could be clearly viewed in his footage of what he said were fights in Madison, in March!

Well, Bill, either this is proof of the global warming that you and your FOX Band of Doofuses spend so much time and energy denying on behalf of your Big Oil masters, or you fudged the facts a wee bit. Which is it, Mr. Bill? Palm trees in Madison? In March?

3/3/11 -- A Confederacy of arrogant dunces

Every time I start to think about being fair to Southerners and about how there's plenty of unbelievable stupidity everywhere to go around, some yahoo good ol' boy crawls out from under his rock, puts on a suit, and says something to pull me back to reality, Southern-style. You can always count on Southerners to try and show that they lead the way when it comes to expressing their inner inbred moron. The phrase "Southern-style" is the key. Yeah, it's style, all right. Lindsey Graham, Newt Gingrich, and Jim DeMint do exude a certain style. Today's "out of the mouths of morons" moment came from DeMint:

"I really don't think that collective bargaining has any place in representative government."

Never mind that, in what passes for DeMint's brain, democracy has no place in America. Hell, when Northerners like Chris Christie and Scott Walker are a threat to the dominance of Southerners on the national asswipe stage, Southerners feel compelled to speak up! They feel compelled to answer the threat! If DeMint had stopped with "I really don't think," could anyone argue?

Back in the 19th century there were plenty of reasons to fight the South when it seceded. The Civil War settled the question for most of us, even if it didn't down there. Now, 150 or so years later, those reasons seem more and more nebulous when cretins like DeMint and Gingrich open their pecan pieholes. Let 'em go! If DeMint and the rest of these crackerjackasses want to be just like China, or Burma or North Korea, or Mussolini's Italy or Stalin's Russia or Hitler's Germany, let ‘em go and form their own country. They can even find some old general from Chile or someplace to rule them with an iron fist.

It's the Republican dream anyway. Bring back slavery! And this time do it without racism! Make all of the working and middle classes, regardless of color, eligible to be slaves! Yeah, that's the ticket! That's what we wanted then, and that's what we want now!

3/3/11 -- Mike Huckabee wants you to dream of Mau-Maus with machetes

Huckabee says he didn't mean to imply that Obama grew up in Kenya even though he said it very clearly, twice.

He says he meant Indonesia, where the President went first to a Catholic school and then to a more diverse school which Repugs liken to a madrassa even though it wasn't. OK, if Huckabee really meant to say Indonesia, why did he throw a reference to the Mau-Mau into the mix? Isn't the answer is obvious? He wanted to project the image of violent black people with great big bloody machetes into what's left of the minds of Repugs, teabaggers and the like. It's dog-whistle speechifyin'.

Oh, he also mentioned English imperialism having a dark influence on the young Obama, who spent so much time in Indonesia (not Kenya). Funny, though, the Brits were never in charge of Indonesia. That was the Dutch. Perhaps Huckleberry has just been hanging out with fellow FOX news distorter Sarah Palin. Can either of them find Kenya on the map? Has Sarah told him it's in the "country of Africa"? Why do I have a feeling that Republicans feed themselves by nibbling on raw rat brains and cockroach wings all day?

3/4/11 – Texas again! State Rep. Debbie Riddle riddles us this

She's introduced a bill that, if it becomes law, will jail, for two years, anyone who hires an illegal immigrant. But wait! There's an exception. If the illegal immigrant is working in a single-family house -- e.g., as a nanny or gardener -- then it's perfectly OK! Good thing, since you can bet that lots of Texas households have undocumented employees. We wouldn't want the Lone Star gentry to have to do their own laundry now, would we? I can't wait till some Bushie type is found to have hired an undocumented landscaper. Even with the protection of Riddle's law, there will be plenty of "discussion" about how some are exempt!

The law obviously wasn't proposed to address the undocumented immigrant situation as a whole. It was proposed simply to protect those in the upper class who already have undocumented workers on their property. It solves nothing, and of course if the law was applied across the board and Texas corporations aren't given the same exemption, then a whole lot of CEOs and HR people will be getting fines and/or going to jail for two years, and the Texas economy will disappear into a dry hole real quick.

Debbie, I think you need to rethink this, and while you're at it, you might want to hire some new legal advisers. Really, what the hell is it with Texas? Too much sun? Is there peyote in the water or something? Are they all drinking from overheated car radiators again?

3/4/11 -- Quote of the Year nominee, from the Sean Hannity romper room

We have this hard-hitting exchange between the host and Ohio's neo-fascist governor, John Kasich (himself a former FOX talking head):
HANNITY: I stand proudly in Kasich's corner with an endorsement, as long as it doesn't hurt you.
KASICH: We want all the help you can give us, Sean.

Fair and balanced? You decide.

3/6/11 -- Winning! A thought about Charlie Sheen

If Charlie Sheen had a show on FOX, its viewers would hang on every insane utterance and conspiratorial thought, just like they do with Glenn Beck or any other of the wide assortment of FOX on-air wackos. They'd be quoting Sheen all day long and thanking him for keeping them "informed." In fact, when Beck is unable to find his way to work one day or is finally booted or committed to an asylum, Sheen can step right in and FOX won't miss a beat. In fact, the majority of the viewers won't even notice. Meanwhile O'Reilly will be chasing Sheen's goddesses around with his loofah. Watching Sheen and Hannity interview each other would be like finding two complete crazies in a dark corner of a mental hospital recreation room, or in a cafeteria pouring their food on each other.

Uh-oh, goddesses, watch out for Loofah Boy!

3/7/11 -- The NFL lockout: a hidden story

Sure, there's a lot of talk about the dispute between the owners of the NFL teams and the players' union over $9 billion in revenue, and sure, the story is overshadowed by the bigger-scale story of what the neo-fascist teabag governors and their corporately run legislatures are doing to whole states.

What disturbs me most about this situation is not the corporate greed of the owners, who are essentially asking that the players prop them up because their policies of ownership have been inept, just like we are asked to prop up Washington and the rich with our taxes instead of theirs because of their greed, mistakes, and outright thievery.

It's also not about the high salaries of the players which most disturbs me. In fact, most players don't last very long. It's a really high-turnover business. Injuries limit their earning years. And after all, people pay to see the players, not some crass idiot like Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. So I don't begrudge all that much the efforts of the players to get more in their limited window of opportunity.

No, what bothers me most about this whole needless argument is that a lot of people are really getting hurt by the owners' lockout of the players, and the media is ignoring the real victims. I'm talking about the people who make a far less grand living working parking, food, maintenance, and other concessions or in team offices. The New York Jets, for instance, have already furloughed office staff. These workers rely on there being NFL games, exhibition or not, and already there is talk about cutting at least some of the exhibition games.

This is yet another skirmish waged against middle- and working-class people by the rich in a year where there are 15 million unemployed. Can you say tone-deaf?

History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (5) "Who is going to shoot Obama?" Plus: Making $$$ off juvie, using live ammo on protesters, Half-Naked Congressman, Gulf dolphins dying, and more (2/23-28/11)
Tomorrow: (7) "It's important to remember, no one was hurt at Three Mile Island" (Lamar Alexander). Plus: "America is not broke" (Michael Moore), real death panels, did she deserve to be beaten?, rehabbing the Bush name, and more (3/7-14/11)


And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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