Will Cuppy Tonight: "The Baboon" from "How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes"

INDEX NOTE: The "Thurber (et al.) Tonight" index has (finally) been updated, and should now be current!

"The family life of the Baboon is known as hell on earth. The males grow meaner and stingier and the females fade at an early age. The children scream, stamp, roll on the ground and will not eat their Centipedes."

by Ken

So far Will Cuppy's survey of apes has brought us through "The Chimpanzee," "The Gorilla," "The Orang-utan," and "The Gibbon." Including tonight's specimen, we're down to our final three. -- Ken

The Baboon

THE BABOON is entirely uncalled for. Some people like Baboons but something is wrong with such people. Baboons lose their tempers. There are more Baboons than you might think. The Baboon is not an Anthropoid Ape. He has a tail, though not a good one, and so he is a Lower Ape. In fact he is more of a Monkey. The Arabian Baboon as the name implies is found in Abyssinia. Baboons have highly colored ischial callosities. Scientists tell us that all animals who sit down a great deal have ischial callosities. That is a lie. The Mandrill is the worst especially when going South. Baboons bark. It seems as though there would be no female Baboons but there are. The family life of the Baboon is known as hell on earth. The males grow meaner and stingier and the females fade at an early age. The children scream, stamp, roll on the ground and will not eat their Centipedes. Their parents are proud of them.¹ The Sacred Baboon of the Egyptians was identified with Thoth, the god of literary criticism.² He spent his time making Thothlike motions at the Sacred Ibis, another form of literary criticism. He is not yet extinct. Never call anyone a Baboon unless you are sure of your facts. Baboons have flat feet.

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¹Young Baboons ride pick-a-back.
²He is frequently pictured restoring the Udjat or Eye to Aah, the Moon God. Enormous numbers of Udjats have been found in ancient Egyptian tombs. "The twin Udjats represent the Eye of the Sun and the Eye of the Moon." -- Sir E. A. Wallis Budge.


TOMORROW IN WILL CUPPY TONIGHT: The Howling Monkey


THURBER TONIGHT (including BENCHLEY, WILL CUPPY, WOLCOTT GIBBS, RING LARDNER, BOB AND RAY, E. B. WHITE, JEAN SHEPHERD, and PERELMAN TONIGHT): Check out the series to date

As noted above, after an unfortunate period of sloughing off, I've finally updated the "Thurber (et al.) Tonight" index, and will try to get back to keeping it current. I've even put the "et al." authors in alphabetical order! Is this an elite reference tool or what?

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