If Aaron Schock is forced out of the closet, and then out of Congress, maybe he can have a new career as a celebrity eater?

The lovely Aaron (seen here in an unrelated photo) visited Top Chef, and love-struck guys all over TV land were saying, surely our lad can do better than that icky, conniving Angelo?

by Ken

So I got home late last night, after attending (just as a visitor) the monthly meeting of Manhattan's Stonewall Democratic Club. When I got home, after spending an inordinate amount of time tinkering with my earlier post of the night, I decided I had to try to do something to attack the TV pile-up on my DVR. I figured I would look at the night's episode of Top Chef.

For those who haven't been watching, this season is set in D.C. And who should be standing there with Padma as presenter-judge for the opening ("quickfire") challenge but America's congressional sweetheart, the lovely and talented Aaron Schock? Looking very dapper in his sharp suit with the pinkish shirt. The little dickens was so adorable, you could just eat him up! [Schockingly, he didn't make it to The Hill's 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill list today. possibly because he was photographed inappropriately dressed recently. -- Howie]

Our Aaron explained that when you come to Congress, the first thing you're talked to about, at great length, is ethics. And one of the first subjects, he said, is food. It appears that there's a rule that congressmembers can't be given free food unless it's on toothpicks. (I'm going to need a little clarification here. Is this maybe a post-Abramoff "reform" rule? 'Cause somehow I don't think that in the glory days of old Jack's restaurant Signatures he was stuffing his congresspals' pusses with dainty morsels on toothpicks.)

The quickfire challenge, then, was for the chefs who were still in the competition to cook something really memorable that could be served on a toothpick, with our boy serving as taster-judge. And he actually seemed quite confident, possibly even knowledgeable -- but then, what do you expect? You know we damn gays just know all about that there gourmet food.

It was undoubtedly just a coincidence that as winner Aaron picked the closest thing there is this season to a good-looking guy (in the past there's usually been one!), the reptilian Angelo, whose slimy looks suit his personality -- he may be the most repellent contestant in all seven seasons of the show, which is saying a lot, since most every season's cast has also had one especially hateful guy.

Apparently Angelo can cook, though. (You can see his winning Cucumber Cup with Spiced Shrimp & Cashew on the website. The photo doesn't appear to be copyable.) It drives me crazy every time the oily creature wins a challenge. My personal wish would be to see him die a horribly agonizing death, like falling into a wood-chipper.

Now if Aaron and Angelo wind up a couple . . .

UPDATE FOR CUCUMBER FANS

In the comments, our friend woid offers a link, for the benefit of "cucumber fans," to Angelo's soon-to-be-legendary Cucumber Cup with Spiced Shrimp & Cashew, which drove our Aaron so wild. Better still, this version I was able to copy:

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