All The News That Fits The Agenda-- The A.P. Scrapes The Bottom Of The Barrel, Again

-by Noah


I’m watching you, AP. I’m watching you. And I’ve been watching you for a very long time.

With everything else going on in the world these days, the Associated Press recently decided to pick up a 3 day old Daily Beast report from former Hollywood film-scene commentator, and, apparently, the righty moron at the Daily Beast, named Nicole LaPorte who just scraped up a critical report on what shoes President Obama wore on the beach during his second visit to the Gulf of Mexico, which happened another 5 days before she even managed to dredge it up! The AP article is headlined “Obama Commits Fashion Mistake.” This is news? What was the President’s big FAIL this time? Oh my God, he wore ordinary “drab, brown, mountain boots” instead of what the locals call Shrimp Boots! Impeach him!!!!! Impeach him!!!!! Shoegate!! In an article that borders on an April Fools Day parody, LaPorte, in her Palin-esq 8th grade writing style, begins (!) by pointing out what one of her obvious idols wore to the World Trade Center site:

“After the attacks of 9/11, New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was shown at Ground Zero decked out in FDNY apparel. His leadership during that time is still remembered as exceptional; Oprah Winfrey called him ‘America’s Mayor’.”

I know, in the world superficiality capitol of LA, fashion and appearance is the most important thing in the world, other than what restaurant you are seen at and what “image car” you drive up to the curb before handing over the keys to the valet parking guy, but, “exceptional” is not a word we New Yorkers have ever used to describe “Mr. Noun, a Verb, and 9/11” and, unfortunately, we know him best. In fact, up until 9/11, the majority of us viewed Rudy Julieandrews as a miserably failed mayor who, in a moment of his special genius, placed the city’s security center right in The World Trade Center, after it had already been attacked once! Perhaps, his hand picked, and now convicted felon, police commissioner, Bernie Kerik recommended it. After 9/11, Rudy was a shameless huckster who managed to exploit the events of 9/11 while making millions doing it and then spending $50 million for one lonely delegate in one of the most farcical presidential primary campaigns of all time. Today, his megalomaniacal freak flag still flies high as he ponders another run for something every few months, only to be greeted by boos from both Democrats and Republicans alike.

Obviously, to righty baboons like LaPorte, President Obama’s leadership lies solely in what he wears! Of course, if Obama actually wore what the AP and the Daily Beast would like to see, he would have been accused of pandering. Sigh, we have a Repug Party that’s got nothin’ to offer, so this is what the come up with. It gets better (worse).

“Perhaps Rudy could have helped President Obama with disaster accessorizing, considering how flat the president’s speech fell during his second visit to Louisiana last week. For a photo-op among the tar balls that have washed ashore at Grand Isle and to address a very scared and furious state and nation-- he failed to wear what have become the symbolic accoutrement of the Gulf disaster: white shrimp boots. Instead, on Obama’s feet was a pair of drab, brown mountain boots.”

Hey, I didn’t notice a pair of “Shrimp Boots” on Louisiana REPUBLICAN Governor “Bobby” Jindal! Where’s the bitching? Where’s the outrage!!! For Obama, LaPorte ticks off the Repug talking points “photo-op” and “flat speech,” but, alas, no hate for Jindal. I mean, where’s the fair and balanced?

“The people down here-it’s probably 90 percent of their attire,” said Venice native Chris Dahl the other afternoon, standing near the waterfront at the Cypress Cove Marina, where Gov. Bobby Jindal was about to hold a press conference after a tour of the water [Note: In Jindal’s case, it’s “tour” not a “photo-op.] “For some people, it’s 100 percent of their attire.”

90% of their attire? 100% of their attire? Really? I’ve been to Louisiana. I know it gets hot, and I know that, in the French Quarter at least, the folks can get pretty crazy, but I’ve never witnessed this phenomenon of people walking around wearing nothing but white rubber boots. Really? Is that something we really want to see? Is pole dancing on the beaches the local custom, too? Will the great Louisiana songwriter, Randy Newman, now have to change his fine stripper song “You Can Leave Your Hat On” to something else? Does this explain why the state votes for Senators that wear diapers on a date?

Although it’s, in no way, President Obama’s style, sometimes I think he should just go out one sunny afternoon dressed in a nice West African Dashiki shirt and matching Kofia hat. That just might send these Republican morons into such a tizzy that they’d explode and we’d be rid of their poison once and for all. Hate speech on my part? You gotta problem with that? Well, do ya, punk?