OMG, it's Justin Bieber's birthday! And we've got not one but TWO pictures!

Plus a number of, er, "news" items bound to be
of interest to Justin and his fans


by Ken

Howie and I were chatting the other day, and the subject of Young Justin came up -- after I slapped this picture of the lovely lad into a post that plumbed the depths of the raging issue of his haircut -- and he asked how old the youngster is. Based just on my remote impressions of how long I've been hearing about him, without having more than the vaguest idea who he is or what he does beyond being very pretty indeed, I threw out the number 16.

I mention this not to brag, but simply to explain how it came about that today, while matters of lesser importance raged around me, with datelines like Libya and Madison, I came to be seeking the correct answer once and discovered that today, March 1, is Justin's 17th birthday! Happy b-day, J-man! Knowing from my previous post how much interest there is in our boy, I thought this would be an appropriate occasion to share more of my knowledge of the subject. Unfortunately, I may have not only exhausted but exceeded the state of my knowledge in my previous post, regarding the famous haircut. This second photo, by the way, is a pre-haircut one, I'm pretty sure. I spent a lot of time researching the subject. (Of course it's made easier by the fact that the boy in this photo seems nowhere near 17. According to the Wikipedia caption, though, this photo was taken way back in 2010, at the White House Easter Egg Roll.)

Needless to say, given Justin's minor status, one hasn't even attempted to track down, let alone pass along, any naked photos, though one can hope that next year on this day the Internet will be awash in them. Say, do you suppose the preceding sentence is enough to have this post called up anytime anyone Googles "Justin Bieber" and "naked photos"? Now I'm really feeling the pressure to provide Justin-friendly content. OK, here goes.

JUSTIN AND YOU STILL HAVE A DAY TO TRY TO
USE THIS NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY TRAVEL TIP

In my book most every day is, or ought to be, National Pancake Day -- and I'm not much interested in those fancy frou-frou jobbies, just the regular kind, though I go as far afield as to mix whole wheat flour and cornmeal into the batter. I also totally grasp the concept of apple pancakes, though my personal efforts at same, with very different recipes, have been pretty unsuccessful. That just reinforces my impulse to stick to basics.

And I don't even put syrup on them! Not just not maple syrup but not that modern miracle, pancake syrup either. (The difference, I gather, is that where maple syrup is made by boiling down the sap of the maple tree, pancake syrup is made from the sap of the pancake tree.) Sometimes I think my devotion to pancakes is as carriers of butter -- just slather the stuff on. Not exactly figure-friendly, but heck, it's a holiday. National, you know, Pancake Day.

For this great event Spirit Airlines has a special $9-each-way round-trip fare promotion -- though goodness knows how much the actual cost is, assuming you're actually able to book a qualifying flight. For starters there's membership in their Fare Club, and then: "Fares are listed per person and do not include all taxes and fees. Additional baggage charges may apply."

I assume everyone saw the "Hecks on a Plane" episode of The Middle (a refreshingly quirky show I'm quite fond of), where the family booked a mostly free flight to New York, and Frankie (Patricia Heaton) -- with a mortified Sue (Eden Sher) and Axl (Charlie McDermott) looking on -- struggled gamely and ultimately [SPOILER ALERT!] successfully to defy the laws of luggage physics and force her trunk-size suitcase through as a carry-on in order to save the $25 baggage-check charge.

Nevertheless, Spirit surely has the spirit right. Who doesn't associate National Pancake Day with forced-date-and-destination air travel? You know, Justin must travel a lot. While I imagine he generally books his flights somewhat farther ahead, with this promotion he might be able to save a bundle.

SPEAKING OF SWELL BARGAINS, I'VE GOT
A BIRTHDAY-DINNER SUGGESTION TOO

On the subject of Justin's travels, I don't know where exactly the birthday boy is today, but if he's in the New York area, I would point out that through Thursday my supermarket has bits of boneless sirloin steak on sale for $3.99/pound. This is still a price point I don't frequently rise to, but remember, it's boneless, and for my birthday last week I splurged and shelled out $3.51 (but who's counting?) for a piece, from which I got two meals. Yeah, the meat at my supermarket is kind of crappy. Still, it was tasty, if chewy. Both times.

I guess by the time this appears Justin will have had his birthday dinner, but as I mentioned, the sale is in effect through Thursday.

OBVIOUSLY JUSTIN APPEARS IN PUBLIC A LOT,
BUT IS HE COMFORTABLE SPEAKING IN PUBLIC?

For a lot of people, as we know, speaking in public is one of the worst nightmares. This bit of wisdom from Groupon the Cat has been on my mind since it turned up with yesterday's Groupon "deal" offer:

The Groupon Guide to: Presentations

In today's lecture-driven workplace, there are no jobs that don't require employees to give at least 15 presentations per day. Here are some tips on giving a successful presentation:

• Start with a joke, then close with the same joke to indicate that the presentation is finished.
• Shouting makes everything more memorable.
• Make eye contact with your audience. This is especially effective if you are crying.
• Imagine that the audience is naked -- they're doing the same to you.

I was so impressed -- especially by the first two suggestions -- that I left a comment, to the effect that with these brilliant tips no one need ever again be afraid of speaking in public. Today I had a Facebook message (my Groupon account seems somehow linked into my Facebook one) from a sympathetic soul who was moved to correct me, informing me that, on the contrary, these suggestions are "a disaster." She invited me to visit a session of an organization she is somehow connected with -- in the Erie, PA area. [Note: I had a link to yesterday's version of this Groupon the Cat tip, but our blog software ate it up along with about a third of this post, and in reconstructing it I haven't been able to retrieve that link. Apparently these tips are periodically recycled. This link appears to be to an earlier appearance.]

I don't expect to be in Erie anytime soon, and in any case have to stand by my original response. This idea of starting and finishing with the same joke -- genius! And shouting? Brilliant! In today's gently comported world of polite discourse I find there's not nearly enough shouting.

Now, at the moment for Justin it doesn't seem to matter that when he opens his mouth to talk -- at least from the bits I've heard -- the whole magical aura of his physical appearance is obliterated by sheer dullness. I gather that what he does in public is sing. However, as a public figure he presumably does occasionally need to be able to speak in public, and while I'm not sure that my commenter's organization is equipped to help with the problem of not having anything sensible to say, if he's interested, I'll be happy to supply the name. It's the least I can do. (Presumably the organization has outlets in locations other than Erie.)

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