12 Days of Christmas Scorn: Day 2 -- The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same Edition

Singer Adam Lambert: Too gay for GMA

by Noah

We continue with Day 2 of the Scorn Awards. It's our smallest number of awards, but they're some of the biggest.


1. THE VAST WASTELAND AWARD


[at 2:23] "When television is good, nothing -- not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers, nothing -- is better. But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite each of you to sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there for a day, without a book, without a magazine, without a newspaper, without a profit-and-loss sheet or a ratings book to distract you. Keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that what you will observe is a vast wasteland."

-- Newton Minow, FCC chairman from 1961 to 1963, addressing the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) convention in 1961

This award goes to the slab of mindless TV programming I deem most deserving, and this year's winner is ABC’s Good Morning America. To be fair, I have always found shows like this one and NBC’s Today (see their recent ridiculous “interview” of the bimbo White House party-crashers) and whatever the CBS equivalent mindless morning chitchat show is called to be nothing but wall-to-wall mind-numbing stupidity. I will also cop to not being a fan of morning in general. I am not now, nor have I ever been a morning person.

That said, GMA recently canceled an appearance by a singer named Adam Lambert. It seems that he kissed a guy and simulated a sex act on an awards show. Imagine that; controversial behavior on an awards show. Who knew? I saw Bowie and Ronno do the same thing in 1973: big damn deal. OK. I’ll leave the discussion as to whether or not Lambert’s actions were classless or clueless to others. What matters to me is ABC’s homophobia and hypocrisy. It’s their show and their little homophobic decision, and there it lies, until, that is, they go and announce that Lambert’s replacement will be Chris “I Beat My Girl to a Bloody Pulp” Brown. He even got convicted for it, as well he should. It seems that in the twisted minimal-voltage minds at ABC, it’s OK to beat your girlfriend. After all, that’s hetero! But gay stuff? No, no, no, not “the gay”! Grow up, ABC.

Meanwhile, over at CBS, they do a news item on the Lambert story and show two women kissing at another awards show in sharp focus, while they also “show” Lambert’s actions -- so tastefully blurred as to be beyond recognition. None of “the gay” for them either! CBS, you get runner-up. Sorry I missed out on what other similar shows had to say about this matter. I had actual things to do in my life.


2. THE ONE THIN LITTLE WAFER EVER-EXPANDING "STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN" AWARD FOR ODDS-DEFYING LONGEVITY


To Lush Slimebaugh, the Father Coughlin of our time. Past has become present. Please, Lush, take two. You won’t even have to go to the Dominican Republic and smuggle anything back; hey, I’ll meet you in the parking lot and hand ‘em to you. I’d give them to you for free, but you might consider that socialism or communism or fascism or secret muslimism or something. I am so tired of sharing the planet’s air with you. Ever wonder how much that studio of his must positively stink when he gets himself all worked up in a state of wingnut jihad? Eat a whole pack, Lush, but stay in your car, with the windows rolled up. Gotta contain the explosion.

Dunce meets dunce: This is only Part 1 of 2, and it only runs 10:02, but do you have the grit to stick it through to the end? You'll have to perform death-defying stunts like listening to the most ignorant and dishonest woman and the most deceptive and dishonest man in the world talk about "commonsense" solutions to our economic woes.

3. THE BAIT-AND-SWITCH AWARD

To President Obama. Clinton II? Bush III? A lot of both? Black man in White House talk like Bobby Kennedy, act like Ronald Reagan. I almost have to wonder why the Righties hate this guy. It sure isn’t his pro-corporate policies. Like Clinton, he gives the store away (see NAFTA and the Telecommunications Act of 1996). We’ve all heard about the concept of "running to the left and governing from the middle," but this president has broken new ground in running as a liberal, if not a true progressive, and governing as a handmaiden for corporate interests.

The evidence so far: billions for Wall Street, which I might be persuaded was something that saved us from further economic ruin if it wasn’t for the fact that so much of the money went for bonuses to put new luxury cars in the driveways of Short Hills, furs on the shoulders of corporate wives in Scarsdale and mistresses on Park Avenue, and ivy league tuition payments for spoiled brats in Greenwich, let alone pay for the drugs and whores that are de rigueur on Wall Street. Then there’s the billions that will go into the dark subterranean coffers of insurance companies as a result of the so-called health care reform, and, the billions handed over to war machines on behalf of oil companies and those who plan to build a pipeline from the Caspian through Afghanistan and Pakistan south to the sea.

I guess it’s all part of that redistribution-of-wealth thing, a continuation of more money going to the rich while the rest of us are supposed to wait for the trickle-down that Reagan promised nearly 30 years ago. We’re still waiting. Hey, Obamaman, got any change to spare? Even the part of the health care reform bill that says insurance companies can’t drop coverage because of a preexisting condition calls for insurance gangsters to keep us on as long as they can charge us extra to do it. It’s just another gouge clause brought to you by the friends of Rahm Emanuel.

The tip-off on what we could expect arrived in January as soon as Obama started infesting the White House with that corporatist handmaiden Rahm and so many Robert Rubin-type Clintonista retreads. This is Clinton redux. As the wonderful Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) said recently, “We can no longer afford for our public policy to be defined by the world view of Wall Street.” Our country has been ill-served by a string of lousy presidents so long that it looks like it will now be possible for whole generations of Americans to be born, live, and die without being governed by one single decent president. The last four, who managed to deregulate everything and throw the doors open to every Ponzie scheme known to man, have been the coup de grace, especially that most recent twit from Texas.

Will Obama be any different? There are six applicants for every one job opening in this country right now. In L.A., there’s a new W Hotel about to open with a staff of 400, for which there are 11,000 job applicants, and you can bet that most of those open jobs aren’t exactly well-paying ones. The corporate masters have us exactly where they planned to have us. It’s all about part-time jobs at subsistence-level pay at best with no benefits. Meanwhile, for the porkers and fat cats, it’s all corporate bailouts and corporate handouts, aka corporate welfare. Soon the only job option will involve going to Afghanistan.

Will Obama ever learn to give a damn about something other than funneling our tax money to insurance companies, Wall Street, etc.? So far the answer appears to be no. Right now, instead of saying no to the Military-Industrial Complex and the rest of the corporate masters, he's only saying no to a second term.

Change we can believe in?

TOMORROW: Day 3 -- Media Manipulators and Seditionistas Edition

1. The Joseph Goebbels Rest Home, Asylum, and Dress-Up Award
2. The Mighty Protector of Corporate Interests Award
3. The Media Ass of the Year Award
4. The Seditionist Award
5. The Osama bin Laden Award
6. The I Spy for the FBI Award


THE SERIES SO FAR

Day 1: Con Men, Grifters, and Outlaws Edition

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