The Rev Jimmy Swaggart Carload O' Porn Award

by NOAH

This year’s Swaggie will, no doubt, go to Sen. Tom Coburn’s (Crackpot Party- OK.) Chief of STAFF Mike Schwartz who, speaking during a “New Masculinity” seminar at this weekend’s Values Voters Summit, revealed that “All pornography is homosexual,” and, that porno makes you gay! Jeez, I thought it was disco music or the British school system. He parades on that being gay is something that is “inflicted” on young boys, that there is no genetic component, and that the last thing an adolescent male wants to be is gay, so tell them never to view porno such as Playboy (!). Hmmm. Was this assclown just really saying something about himself and his long gone youth? Will the publishers of Club, Cherie, Tail End, and so many others feel slighted? Do Republicans know about gay women? There was an audible gasp from the audience as they moved closer to the edges of their seats to hear more, and more, and more, and more. Numerous questions and queries were made. The atmosphere grew warm and sweaty. What is it with Repugs and sex? Well, there you have it. Chances are porno will lead you into a career of interior decorating, choreography, hairdressing or at least make you real good at flower arranging, so, if those career choices don’t really appeal to you, lay off the damn porn, will ya!  Now, if only I could do something about my hairy palms and loss of eyesight!




UPDATE: Action Item

Another DWT contributor has urged me to add his thoughts:

I think everyone should go to their local bodega or porno mag emporium and buy copies of Juggs or Black Tail, or maybe even one of those 3 for $10.00 packs and send them to Dr. Tom's office as a "Go Completely Gay Kit"! Better yet, maybe there's a Sarah Palin look-a-like porno clip out there that we could send, OR, maybe the real thing.

On the other hand, perhaps the folks in Dr. Tom's office only read Playgirl and that's where they get these funny ideas.