Depression Humor Is Back For Late Night

-by Dan

Rush is ready to challenge Obama to a pie eating contest

"In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion dollars in profit. That just shows you: If you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion in profit." --Jay Leno

"Over the weekend in D.C., first lady Michelle Obama was at a homeless shelter serving food to the homeless. Isn't that nice? Reaching out to the middle class." --Jay Leno

"The federal government agreed on Sunday to provide an additional $30 billion to AIG. According to AIG, $15 billion will be used to build the world's biggest toilet, down which the other $15 billion will be flushed." --Seth Meyers

"John McCain's daughter, Meghan, she wrote yesterday that Ann Coulter is 'offensive,' 'radical,' and 'insulting.'  Wow. That is by far the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Ann." -- Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new study, people are sleeping less because they're worried about the economy. I think it might also have something to do with the fact that they are sleeping under bridges." --Craig Ferguson

"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." -- Bill Maher

"The Republican Party says they want a big tent. They want to be all-inclusive, they want the big tent, and they're going to make it out of Rush Limbaugh's pants." -- David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, however. And he says that he can defeat President Obama in a debate. I'm thinking maybe a competitive eating contest, but I don't know about a debate." -- David Letterman

"And astronomers say they have discovered enormous black holes 5 billion light years from Earth that is sucking up everything in their path. They named the black holes 'AIG-1' and 'AIG-2.'" -- Jay Leno

"Here's a cute story. You know the Obama kids? They got a swing set there on the White House lawn. And here's the nice thing. This is what you like about Obama. He is a very conscientious guy. Thinks of everything, because the swing set didn't cost the taxpayers anything. They built the swing set out of old pieces of Dick Cheney's guard tower." -- David Letterman