White Man Speak With Forked Tongue

By Noah
 
As that glorious day when Commander-in-Thief George W. Bush exits fast approaches, we have seen his dervishes of spin go out across the land with their pathetic, transparent list of White House legacy polishing lies that only those most in denial about the wretched effects of the Bush debacle could possibly adhere to. Notice that I didn't say believe because anyone that is not 100% delusional, based in reality, lying through their clenched teeth or simply completely brain damaged could buy into the tide of utter crap that we have been hearing from these current day morlocks. The question is: Which is George W. Bush? 

Sure, we know he's a pathological liar and probably has been for his entire life. However, evidence exists that points to an all of the above scenario regarding the brain that our country has been forcibly hitched to by a corrupt Supreme Court during the last eight years of national nightmare. The Bush appearances of this past week were the crescendo, the ultimate, the cherry on the top. First we had the press conference that even my conservative hometown tabloids described as "wacky" and "baffling". Baffling and wacky, yes; surprising, no. Then, I heard that on Thursday he would address the nation! Oh, man. It just gets weirder and weirder. "Hello, nation!" Quick, someone send the first goofball a bag of pretzels, I thought, and let's be done with it! Eat the pretzels, Georgie. Eat the pretzels, preferably alone.

In my mind, I kept seeing him at his desk in the oval office, looking very disheveled with about 4 days growth of beard and several empty liquor and pill bottles tipped over on his desk as the cameras came on. Now, as a general rule, my TV does not receive Bush broadcasts, just as it only turns to CNNFOX and the like when I'm looking for evidence of propaganda or feeling really perverse. We also have a rule in my house that we keep our shoes on when Bush shows up on the telly. Herewith are my impressions and my running commentary that I jotted down as El Heinousio appeared and proceeded to murder the language and maul credulity one last time. God, imagine if some little kids somewhere saw TV for the first time and this is what they saw. There would be no saving them.
 
1. First of all, who are you, Mr. So-called President, to use the words 'moral clarity'? Oh the irony! Moral obfuscation and habitual lying are more accurate when discussing your legacy. You keep saying that history will restore your reputation while, on the other hand, you tell us that there's nothing that needs to be restored, that you are a gift from God. I've heard of being the Queen of denial and I've heard of 'defense mechanisms' and 'escape mechanisms'. You have no hidey-hole in this life, in this world to go to where the consequences of your actions can't find you but, taking refuge in a future neither you nor anyone else will see, breaks new psychological ground. I doubt that even John Gotti thought of that one. Future doctoral candidates will be the only people who will ever give thanks to you, unless you count Osama (for letting him go and for helping him recruit more crazies) and those who have benefited from your largess at the expense of the U.S. Treasury.
  
2. No attacks since 9/11? What about the anthrax mailings? Oh, that's right. That was probably the government itself. Sen. Leahy still wants to know who tried to kill him. What a coincidence that the mailings just happened to have arrived as the "Patriot Act" was coming to a vote and Leahy was skeptical of the bill. A lot of suckers bought it in 2004, not so many now. What took them so long? I don't know. The misplaced desire to believe, I guess. 
 

 
I guess I could also call Eric Rudolph and what he did a terrorist attack but then, you and he tend to be on the same page, on his issue.
 
3. First invasion of America? Gee, I would think the Brits invading Washington and burning down the White House was pretty bad and counts as an invasion! I also know that President Madison led troops against the Brits himself. And, Dolly Madison took the portrait of George Washington with her as she fled. What would you do in similar circumstances? What would you take? "Laura, bring the liquor cabinet! Where's my BIG BOOK OF LIES? Quick, let's get to the undisclosed location!"
 
4. And what about you completely dropping the ball leading up yo 9/11, even after you were repeatedly warned? You keep blaming Clinton (who was one of the people who warned you). I guess, by that logic, we should blame your daddy for the attacks on the WTC in February of 1993, shortly after he left office. You OK with that, genius boy? 
 
5. You spoke of regretting that there weren't any WMDs in Iraq. Yes, I guess this once I can believe you. You probably do regret it. There not being any removes one of your contrived excuses for invading the place. But, you know what I think of when you mention not finding WMDs? I remember you joking about not finding them while tens of thousands of people, including our soldiers, were being maimed and killed. You sure are one damn funny asshole!
 
6. The inauguration? I hear that you are being flown by copter to Barack Obama's inauguration. Is that because at your inauguration, protesters started to break through the security line, your limo had to speed up, guards' guns were drawn, and your limo was covered with eggs by the time it got to the dais? None of this was shown on TV, of course. Instead, we got nothing but happy-happy views of better placed pro-Bush supporters as soon as it looked like all hell might break loose and your car might get turned over.
 
7. You say that your Medicare prescription drug plan is bringing peace of mind to seniors. I know this is one of the current Repug talking points but please explain. You can explain your legislation, can't you? Maybe I should just consider your twisted definition of 'peace'.
 
8. Why is Hank the Grifter Paulson (former head of Goldman-Sachs) handing out our taxpayer cash to his Wall Street criminal buddies with no strings attached just like Cheney gave no-bid taxpayer cash to Halliburton? And, don't go expecting me to believe Bernie Madoff was the only one of his kind and that there aren't even bigger slight of hand artists among your base of contributors on Wall Street. Unlike Madoff, they get the cover of their institutions. Is he just a sacrificial lamb? An example of the sacrifices even Obama says we have to make; a bit of raw meat for the masses? Maybe we should keep Gitmo open for a while. After all, we spent a lot of money on training people in waterboarding techniques. Hey Wall Street! Come on down! You like the Caribbean, don't you?

So, when will some arrests be made on Wall Street? You say you have "kept us safe." Have you kept us safe from Wall Street terrorists who are putting a gun to our heads? I know it's a lot of tough questions but please elucidate. Time will be granted for you to look up the word "elucidate."
 
9. What drugs enable Laura to stay married to you?
 
10. I believe I heard you use the phrase "enjoyed working with the media" or words to that effect in your recent press conference. Not surprising, since they seem to have enjoyed helping you out, too. In a better world, they would be something other than an American version of Pravda.
 

 
Of course, we don't get comments like this in the MSM. Instead, we get smarmy slimebags like Larry King fawning and drooling all over Dubya and Laura on his show, verbally masturbating Dubya while probably thinking of his neighbor's german shepherd that he allows to mount him every morning before he picks up the paper on his doorstep ("That's a good doggie. What advice on the world do you have for me today? Have you ever been dressed up in suspenders? I will always do your bidding. Where did you learn how to speak English so well? Do you know my friend Lou Dobbs?").
 
11. Finally, if your "Mission Accomplished" banner refers to your devastating economic meltdown, your disastrous war for oil money and war profits, being a divider not a uniter, magically creating a $1.2 Trillion deficit out of a surplus, ushering in the biggest redistribution of wealth upwards that we've ever seen, escalating the class warfare on the middle and working classes, gutting the FDA to the point where e.coli infested food kills Americans, relaxing enforcement of mining safety regulations that led to dead miners, tearing up that damn "quaint" Constitution, and your dropping the ball on everything from Al Qeada to Katrina, all I can say in summation is Heckuva job, Bushie. Now you and your gang of thieves and cronies can go straight to hell, immediately. We're still cleaning up the mess of the Civil War. The mess you're smirking about will probably take as long.