Monday, January 11, 2010

A plan? Of course the Obama administration folks had a plan!


by Ken

Since the Obama administration came into being, it has seemed unthinkable to me that the people in charge went into this monumental undertaking without a plan, as keeps appearing to be the case. So we've had the whole DWT research staff knocking on doors and combing through records in the Village of Washington, and sure enough, it turns out that the Obama strategists came in with a sheafload of plans, which they've been carefully executing. The research is still preliminary, but as of the present state of our knowledge, here are --


10. Once the country sees how we're reaching out to the Republicans, they'll have to cooperate or they'll look like partisan bullies -- or, worse, mindless obstructionists.

9. We'll get those dirty fucking commies, and fags, and commie fags throwing such hissy fits attacking us, all the real Americans in the middle will love us.

8. We shovel a shitload of cash to our friends on Wall Street, and they'll be so grateful, they'll spread a few bucks around and jump-start the economy.

7. We'll just cut all the fat out of the budget, and we can fund all the new programs we want.

6. Or if we don't want new programs, we can just pocket the dough.

5. We make a big deal out of our so-called health care reform plan, but make sure Pharma and the insurance companies know we're only kidding.

4. After eight years of Bush and Cheney, they'll be so happy, it'll be easy to get them all behind us, especially once we dismantle all Democratic Party machinery except our own.

3. So I can make them stop calling me a plagiarist?

2. If anything goes wrong, we've always got those imperial powers of the presidency the Bush people assembled for us.

1. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.


To test your knowledge of the administration, each of these plans was associated with a particular administration strategist. Can you match the strategy to the strategist? (It's possible that some plans may have been associated with more than one person, and that one person may be associated with more than one plan.)

(a) President Barack Obama

(b) First Lady Michelle Obama

(c) Vice President Joe Biden

(d) Senior Presidential Adviser David Axelrod

(e) White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel

(f) National Economic Council Director Larry Summers

(g) OMB Director Peter Orszag

(h) designated health adviser and HHS sec'y Tom Daschle

(i) Obama campaign manager David Plouffe

(j) WJM-TV's Chuckles the Clown

[Sorry to be late -- I fell asleep]

1 (a) and (j), 2 (d), 3 (c), 4 (i), 5 (h), 6 (e), 7 (g), 8 (f), 9 (e), 10 (b)

Note: If you wrote in "Treasury Sec'y 'Tiny Tim' Geithner" for no. 8, you can give yourself half-credit. (The sentiment is right, but our Timmy would never use a bad word like "shitload.")



At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Balakirev said...

Cute, Ken. I really liked those 10 parts of the master plan. It's a shame, but it's probably more real than anything else in Washington, and not likely to change anytime, soon.

I would see I'm disappointed in Obama, but you know from my previous comments I expected him to live to my expectations. He has, and more inventively than I believed possible.

At 8:46 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Why is everyone so negative about Rahm Emmanuel? Don't you remember those amazing Democratic majorities in both Houses after 1994, how Gore used the same playbook to win every state in 2000, or how the lives of the average American have improved?

Remember how he said don't be against the war in 2006 and Howard Dean was all like "WAR IS BAD YEARGHHHH" and Democrats lost in 2006 when they started to sort of look at Dean without snearing?

Also, remember how Rahm isn't a sociopath dedicated to proving he is awesome?


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