Thursday, January 29, 2009

Confidential to the congressional obstructionists: We have ways of dealing with people like you!

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Free wienies and marshmallows would be provided to everyone who attends the bonfire on the Mall made from all the crap cleaned out of the ex-congressmembers' offices.

by Ken

Since I wrote in my morning post ("It's a good thing I'm not the one responsible for strategy aimed at the right-wing obstructionists") that "if I were the one responsible for devising a counter-strategy, I would go for total annihilation," everybody has been demanding to know what exactly I would do if I did have charge of the strategy for dealing with the right-wing obstructionists. Okay, not everybody, exactly, but there is this kid in Delaware . . . but I shouldn't say any more about that, since he or she should have been in school and not wasting time reading blogs.

Okay, here goes. We start with the House 188, the geniuses who voted against the stimulus package on the ground that it's "too liberal."

When they and their staffs showed up for work this morning, they would have found that their security paraphernalia no longer gained them admittance to either the Capitol or the particular building that houses their offices. In fact, upon further checking they would have found that they no longer had offices. They would have found all their crap piled up on the sidewalk, with a Post-It note to identify each particular doodyhead's crap, accompanied by a note explaining that there was no particular rush about getting that crap the hell off the people's sidewalk, as long as it was gone by noon, when it would be moved to the Mall for a giant bonfire, with wienies and marshmallows provided for all spectators by their Uncle Sammy.

All money, all congressional privileges and perks would have been shut off, and bills would have been sent to their local residence addresses demanding repayment of every cent allotted to them in any fashion (including the cash equivalent of all goods and services provided -- yes, including "Sunny John" Boehner's tanning-salon visits) for "service" in the 111th Congress, now that they have officially committed themselves to not providing any service in the 111th Congress.

All their assets would be frozen, and all family members as well as all contributors to their 2008 campaigns would be rounded up and shipped to temporary relocation tents (or leftover FEMA trailers, where available) until their new Special Reeducation Center is ready for occupation at Guantanamo Bay, hopefully sometime in the next year. Those people would of course be ineligible to benefit in any way from any aspect of the government's efforts to combat the economic meltdown.

Any of the House 188 attempting to interfere with these new arrangements would be given one warning, and then arrested for obstruction of justice. In case of further disturbance, they would be designated terrorists with "enemy combatant" status and shipped off for a grand farewell tour of the CIA "black site" prisons. In cases of noncooperation, security personnel -- ideally not the same useless bunch that failed to police the inauguration -- would have authorization to blast the bastards' thieving brains out.

As for the Senate, the same treatment would apply immediately to RSCC honcho Sen. John Cornyn, who would be invited to provide a list of like-minded members who are committed to substituting their plan of nonstop obstruction above the interests of the country.

Lawyers for many of those affected will no doubt argue that their clients should not be subject to such extreme penalties on account of mental retardation or other mental defect, including full-blown insanity. No thanks to those clients, we do still have laws and courts to deal with such niceties.

Now do you see why it's a good thing I'm not the one in charge of dealing with these people?


UPDATE: OTHERS ARE INDEED
GOING BEYOND KEN'S FANTASIES


The Hill is reporting this morning that a broad coalition of organizations representing the interests of working families across the country is spending millions of dollars on a campaign aimed at convincing five Republican senators to back the economic stimulus legislation. And that's good.
The Campaign for Jobs and Economic Recovery, a group of labor and political organizations, is targeting GOP Sens. Susan Collins (Maine), Olympia Snowe (Maine), Judd Gregg (N.H.), Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Chuck Grassley (Iowa) with a 30-second spot. The ad includes audio excerpts from President Obama’s Jan. 8 speech at George Mason University, when he made his case for the stimulus package that could exceed $900 billion.

The same publication is also reporting that Democrats are vowing revenge. OK, OK, I know the Republicans are laughing their asses off at that toothless threat.

Nate Silver wants to assure us that zero is the loneliest number for the GOP and I want to assure readers that our ActBlue efforts will be continue to be aimed at electing progressives and targeting reactionaries. The three candidates we've endorsed so far this year-- Dan Gelber (D-FL), Tom Geoghegan (D-IL) and Doug Tudor (D-FL)-- are all guys who have and will continue to fight for American working families. If you can afford even $5 or $10 dollars, please think about helping these guys out.
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12 Comments:

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Fred said...

It's not "we have ways" it's "ve haf vays."

You don't see the irony of naming this blog down with tyranny?

 
At 11:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I was Obama I would have sent the US Marshals to arrest Pig Limbaugh and put him in a dungeon never to be heard from again. Afraid indeed. These worthless pigs should all be rounded up and jailed and the sooner the better. We know who they are.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Dr. Know said...

You are such a tease...
Like we're ever going to see that happen.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger KenInNY said...

Yeah, Doc, it felt pretty good while I was writing this, but afterward, that's kind of how I felt too.

Still, it was fun to fantasize.

Ken

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger hotdog21 said...

Really anonymous? Rounding up people for their political beliefs? And those dissenting members of Congress have reason to be worried about this plan, in that chances are high it won't truly work and will only prolong a coming depression. There are big issues regarding moral hazard with bailouts and stimulous packages. Obama knows this as well, he's mentioned it before. Unfortunately he has to cater to the less informed morons who voted for him.

 
At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Ken Jr said...

The enlightenment oozing from your pores excites our intellectual curiosity.

You do know that there is a reason that we have elected officials and not just mob rule? In these gloomy times we must also remind ourselves that in the midst of partisan deliberation our wallets are kept slightly more secure (not too secure though since the Treasury and the Fed now have almost unlimited power to interfere in the economy).

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger KenInNY said...

From people who cheered George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on as they spent eight years doing everything in their power (in fact, expanding that power in ways never imagined by sane human beings) to destroy the Constitution and the rule of law, and to restructure the economy to make the rest of the country slaves of their rich and powerful cronies, none of which was the tiniest bit imaginary, talk about legality and rights and anything at all about the economy goes beyond preposterous to idiotic.

You people did everything you could to destroy this country and everything it stands for. You should have the decency or the sense to shut your cretinous, llying pieholes. But of course, as you demonstrate every time you open those lying mouths, you wouldn't recognize either decency or sense if they landed on you like a fallling piano -- which is the only way you'll ever make contact with either.

Ken

 
At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scratch a Democrat, and you find a tyrant underneath.
There was only one bi-partisan group in the House vote on your trillion dollar pork-a-palooza, and it wasn't on the yea side, was it?
When Pelosi and the rest of the Democratic Congressional Caucus finishes their 40 year mission of pushing the country over off a cliff, rest assured that true conservatives will be there to pick up the pieces, like we always do.

 
At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is so much rhetoric going around about liberal retribution. That we should push through legislation that will have immense consequences with little debate or opposition, based on two main premises: 1) We are in an "emergency situation" and must take bold action now (sound familiar?), and 2) that democrats are telling us it is the right thing.

Does anyone see the irony here? Is this not how we got into Iraq and countless other messes?

I know that those on the left are still very upset by the political bullying, the blatant disregard for the constitution, and the general hypocrisy of the previous administration and are immensely pleased at their sudden change of fortune. But using the same tactics, pointing fingers, promoting pork and cronyism, and silencing the opposition, will only take us further down the road to tyranny. Funny how those at the extreme tip of either wing only seem to care about tyranny if they are not the benefactors.

Opposition, debate, political gridlock- these are all things that are intended to spare us from tyranny, built on the prudent advice of the founding fathers, who were students of history and first-hand observers of tyrannical rule. Partisanship, checks and balances, division of powers- they are meant to act as brakes to sweeping political change.

President Obama has called to end the bitter, partisan bickering and work together as Americans. I agree. We are all tired of the underhanded political slap fighting in congress, but legitimate opposition cannot be silenced. A campaign based on change is, yes, very inspiring and optimistic, yet also very dangerous. We should be hopeful, but we must also be very cautious.

Obama's message is one of progressivism- working together to make sweeping legislative changes. I would argue that at least equally important is a message of healthy skepticism.

Whether we are democrat or republican, we must work together in questioning the motives or our leadership. As a conservative, I can attest to being thoroughly disappointed in many of the decisions made by republican leadership over the past 8 years. They largely are at odds with a true conservative philosophy. It has taught me to never, ever accept the propositions of a politician, simply because they have a "R" next to their name. More often than not, they appear no different than their democrat counterparts- they just use different rhetoric to sell their brand of cronyism.

President Obama also calls for a serious change in Washington- an end to corruption and corporatism. I believe in the message, but unfortunately, his actions do not support this.

For instance, I am, and have always been, very suspicious of so-called omnibus bills, which are absolute breeding grounds for pork and corruption. Would a bill aimed at funding PACs, such as ACORN, with federal tax dollars pass if it were not buried in an emergency economic stimulus package? Does birth control and abortion funding count as economic stimulus?

I don't care what how Pelosi tries to rationalize this ad hoc spending- it is not economic stimulus. I'm not going to get into the debate about whether these things should be funded at all, but they should be judged on their own merit, separate from an effort to stimulate our economy. To attempt to lump these sharply partisan issues into this bill is distracting congress from the urgent task at hand (economic stimulus), and sabotaging any chance of real bipartisanship.

I fear that Obama's message of post-partisan politics is not only hollow, but dangerous. The legislation is extremly partisan, and the rationale for its swift passage is extremely thin. Perhaps this is more the result of the democratic leadership in congress, but so far, the politics of an Obama administration look more like political domination than cooperation.

We, as Americans, need to work together, to be more critical of ALL our representatives, both democrat and republican. Wake up. Too many on both sides of the fence are out for power first or power only. Yes, they have different herds of sheep to exploit, and different corporate benefactors to appease, but they are essentially the same. Very few appear to have principles that cannot be purchased.

Justifying any policy decision, good or bad, with ad hominem arguments are ridiculous and dangerous. Justifying political tactics and decisions that are unconstitutional or dangerous to the integrity of the Republic, simply by saying "they did it to us," is downright wrong.

Political retribution may feel good now, but it is a fast track to poor decision making and absolute tyranny. -ironic, the name of this blog.

 
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