Forget Kansas, What The Hell's Wrong With Alaska?

The case being made that the Senate and House election results in Alaska were tampered with looks really credible. Don Young, who hasn't been indicted or convicted yet, confounded every single poll and is about to be declared the winner of Alaska's at-large House seat. The Stevens-Begich race still hasn't been called yet but Stevens-- also confounded all the polls (like every single one)-- is out ahead. As of last night, with 60,000 more votes to count, Stevens was 3,257 votes ahead. Shannyn Moore is more than suspicious:

Four years ago, 313,592 out of 474,740 registered voters in Alaska participated in the election-a 66% turnout. Taking into account 49,000 outstanding ballots, on Tuesday 272,633 out of 495,731 registered Alaskans showed up at the polls; a turnout of 54.9%. That’s a decrease of more than 11% in voter turnout even though passions ran high for and against Barack Obama, as well as for and against Sarah Palin! This year, early voters set a new record. As of last Thursday, with 4 days left to vote early, 15,000 Alaskans showed up-shattering the old record set in 2004 by 28%! Consider the most popular governor in history-and now the most polarizing-was on the Republican ticket. Consider the historic nature of this race; the first African American presidential candidate EVER! The second woman to ever make a presidential ticket; and she’s one of our own. Despite that, we’re supposed to believe that overall participation DECREASED by 11%. Not only that, but this historic election both nationally and for Alaska HAD THE LOWEST ALASKA TURNOUT FOR A PRESIDENTIAL RACE EVER!!! That makes sense.

If Stevens defeats Begich, he will be the first convicted felon to be re-elected to the Senate, a new milestone for the institution. The furthest right member of the Senate, South Carolina's Jim DeMint, is demanding that the Miss McConnell expel Stevens from the Republican caucus... now. What will Dan Inouye say!




UPDATE: PALIN

How could we leave her out of a "What's The Matter With Alaska" post? Well... we're sick of her and her brood and the smarminess of all things Palin. So we'll leave it to David Letterman:

Top Ten New Revelations About Sarah Palin

10. Thinks Fox News may still declare her and John McCain the winner
9. At her wedding instead of "I do," said, "You betcha!"
8. She and Governor Schwarzenegger once exchanged swimsuit-competition posing tips
7. Prepared for campaign by watching Legally Blonde 2
6. Thinks "NAFTA" stands for "Need Another Fifty Thousand for Accessories"
5. Begins every day by reading a passage from the hilarious Late Show Fun Facts book available everywhere
4. She's a person of interest in five unsolved snow machine hit-and-runs
3. Abused position as Governor to get free appetizers at Anchorage Applebee's
2. Already has a new job as Briefcase Babe #12 on Deal Or No Deal
1. Her Secret Service code name was "Huh?"

Top Ten Extras

11. Secretly voted for Obama so she wouldn't have to learn all of that vice-president stuff
12. She's been hired to play Tammy the conniving librarian on Desperate Housewives
13. Saved 30% on her dogsled insurance by switching to Geico
14. Offered McCain the concession speech she gave after losing the Miss Alaska pageant
15. In high school yearbook, was voted "Most Likely to Bring Down a Presidential Campaign"
16. Wishes she'd said, "Thanks but no thanks" on that campaign to nowhere

And remember, it wasn't really about poor dull Sarah and her trashy beautiful family; it was always, always, always about the judgment of the man who thrust her into the national consciousness for his own perceived gain: