McCain Prepares To Roll Out The Announcement Of His Running Mate-- As Though Anyone Could Care Less

Wolcott: A gay Metamucil ad

The only reason anyone remembers who Barry Goldwater's hapless running mate was is because his daughter, Stephanie, is a star morning host on liberal talk radio. It's highly unlikely that a decade from now anyone will know who ran with John McCain. But the brain trust behind McCain figured they'd hold down Obama's bounce and steal his thunder my making the announcement today. The drama is killing me. Not.

Supposedly at 11, he's doing a conference call with a sad array of true believers, the GOP's equivalent of the SS leadership-- the Grover Norquists, Pat Robertsons, Adam LaDucas, and Ken Blackwells. After that yawner... well, the name will leak out while the call is still in progress. Although the biggest Republican Party shill in the blogosphere is doing the Kaine/Obama routine with Tim Pawlenty, I can't believe McCain has the guts to go against what the Bush Regime and Rove are demanding: Willard. Yes, for once I agree with Utah reactionary Senator Bob Bennett, who's betting on his fellow cult member. He says the Kay Bailey Hutchison thing is off-base because women who feel strongly about Hillary "aren't inclined to vote Republican." You think? I'm sure McCain will enjoy reading this:

Sen. Bob Bennett predicts John McCain will choose former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney as his running mate because he "fills all the holes in McCain's resume."

James Wolcott waxed poetic on the utter lack of excitement-- the sheer dullness-- wrapped up in McCain's selection. "No one," he writes, "being mentioned caused me the slightest worry. Even the long shots lacked dramatic coup value." The run-down:

Mitt Romney. An enamel figurine whose darty eyes betray anxiety whenever he's out of his depth, which is more often than not. He's already proven what a clay-feet campaigner he is, and if he couldn't fend off Mike Huckabee, how could he out-duel Joe Biden's shark grin?

Joe Lieberman. We saw what a lethargic, uninspired veep candidate he was in 2000 and he hasn't exactly picked up speed with age. His Joementum has pretty much come to a dead halt. Together on stage, he and McCain would look like a gay Metamucil ad.

Tom Ridge. A boring pundit's idea of a "solid pick," but even pundits don't want to be that bored.

Kay Bailey Hutchison. Boring beyond the call of duty, and not exactly a robust camera presence. Too moderate a persona to excite the jackal "base."

Meg Whitman. You can't mock Obama's thin political resume and then slot her on the ticket. Would she really be prepared to assume presidential duties were McCain to suffer a Fred Sanford setback? It would be a symbolic pick whose symbolism would wear off in 48 hours.

Carly Fiorina. Another CNBC CEO type with zero political flair. I don't recall her tenure at HP ending in a ticker tape parade and she's so dry and corporate in interviews that she makes Mitt Romney look like Alec Baldwin.

Tim Pawlenty. Who, what? Didn't he just barely squeak by in his last election in Minnesota? He seems to me the Republican counterpart to Mark Warner, one of those talked-about phenoms who light passes through at the first major exposure (Warner's keynote, what a snore). Yes, he would bring a youthful note to the ticket, but you can't fill a vacancy with a vacancy.

Eric Cantor. Even more of a nobody than Pawlenty and a nastier piece of work. Congressman and deputy minority whip, Cantor looks like the pricky proprietor of the Jerk Store; essentially an unregistered Israeli lobbyist with a domestic voting record to make Grover Norquist quiver with delight. Would make NRO's Corner happy but have everyone else running for the hills.

Now Fox "News" is trying to drum up some drama by pushing Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the only Republican in her state not destined for a bribery trial. Anyone think they'll just cancel the whole thing?