What's short and dumb and crooked--and is getting $40K to share what he knows (say, just what DOES he know?) with a bunch of college students?

He's ba-a-ack!

Yes, it's our own Idiot Al "The Torture Guy" Gonzales, and he's back! On Nov. 19 he's being paid $40K to give a speech at the University of Florida, as reported by The Independent Florida Alligator.

Idiot Al is being brought to Gainesville by Accent, the UF Student Government's speakers bureau, which is funded by student activity fees. The question is, what is he being brought there for? Has his agent assured the girls and boys at UF that, when it's prying congressional committees asking questions, he knows nothing, but that for their 40 Gs he'll have a vertiable memory revival, sing hallelujah! Or is he just going to spew that old-time far-right-wing political blather?

I assume Idiot Al's got a lecture agent out there peddling him. I just wonder if anyone's left to help him work up the act he's going to be taking on the road. After all, even if he decides to spill his guts, tell everything he knows, that fills--what?--maybe five minutes? Seriously, people, the first tryout of the Idiot Al Road Show is scheduled now, for the 19th.

Well, there's always the old Chuckles the Clown formula:

A little song,
A little dance,
A little seltzer
Down your pants.

Now I'm not suggesting that Idiot Al actually appear in a clown suit . . . oh wait, hold on. Maybe that's exactly what I'm suggesting! Yes, that's it: the Torture Guy in a clown suit, only not with the traditional ball-like clown nose [above].

No, instead he's tricked up with a nice long Pinocchio-style schnozzola [right] to symbolize his historic relationship with the truth.

So he comes out, and he sings a few songs, tells a few jokes. You know--

A priest, a rabbi, and a Democrat go into a bar, and Karl Rove has it blowed up real good.

Now that's entertainment.

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