So Bill O called the cops on us! They couldn't do anything for him, but I'll bet they were real nice

The damned thing took me a week to write, but I've had a chance now to tinker with my account of our mission last week to Bill O'Reilly's house--to offer him one of his very own "accountability moments," which he apparently believes it's better to give than to receive. Among the updates is breaking news from the Manhasset police, provided in a comment from mission commander Mike Stark himself: It turns out that Bill O in fact called the cops on us!

And the cops put out an APB on us, and arrested us, and to get us to spill our guts threw us in a dungeon and waterboarded the heck out of us . . . nah, I'm making this part up. It seems they didn't do anything, because it seems we didn't break any laws. Apparently neither Nassau County nor New York State has any statute covering making Bill O'Reilly feel bad.

I'll bet those cops were real, real nice to Bill O, though. I hope he at least invited them in for some coffee and danish. (I'm assuming that Mrs. O makes sure the O'Reilly refrigerator always has a supply of those cinnamon rolls you can bake up in a jiffy. You never know when company's going to drop in. Plus they'd be great for snacking while Bill O is having phone sex with one of his female employees. The icing's a little gooey, but wouldn't that just add to the, er, fun?)

By the way, there's a question I"ve been asked by several people I've told that I got to see Bill O'Reilly pick up his newspaper. The question is: What newspaper was it?

Well, all, I can report is that it was enclosed in what looked very much like the same blue plastic bag that my New York Times comes in in bad weather (or when my delivery person apparently has a large supply of the blue plastic bags). What? you say. Bill O'Reilly stooping (literally) to read the New York Times? Again, I can't say so for sure. But it would make sense, wouldn't it? If you make your living twisting and lying about the news, don't you first have to find out what the news is? You're certainly not going to get it from the right-wing noise machine.