WHEN REPUBLICANS HAVE NOTHING... THEY SEND IN THE CLOWNS AND WHEN PUTNAM, WESTMORELAND AND McNUTCASE ARE "UNAVAILABLE," THEY DIG UP A LAMAR SMITH

If the Republicans have something spurious they want to get out-- a far-fetched or outrageous distraction, say-- and it's too ridiculous even for Howdy Doody (R-FL), they usually call on Colbert's buddy Lynn Westmorland (R-GA) or runner-up for stupidest man on Capitol Hill, Patrick McNutcase (R-NC). Now, if those three pass... well, that's pretty much the bottom of the barrel. Of course you can always turn the barrel upside down and get something even below the bottom of the barrel. And today they did.

Meet Lamar Smith (R-TX), a hard right fanatic so extreme that his voting record could be used as a primer on how to destroy a country. He never met a corporation he didn't want to subsidize; he never met a millionaire he didn't want to give a tax refund to; he never met an environment he wanted to protect; he never met a human right or civil liberty he agreed with. His record shows a hatred of working men and women and contempt for the middle class, the elderly, women, minorities, and public education. Below the bottom of the barrel is a very apt description for ole Lamar.

Although Lamar actually lives in a fancy house on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, he represents the I-35 district between Austin and San Antonio. And even if his Cape Cod neighbors would laugh at this, back in Texas, where the sun shines down mighty strong and the radio can drive good men crazier than the hot sun, people still buy into Blame-Clinton-First... for everything.

The whole country is concerned about the Bush Regime's politicization of the Justice Department and the serious investigation about what happened there. But not ole Lamar. He wants to get another chance to talk about Bill Clinton's penis. When the Republicans were voted out of power in Congress last November, Lamar lost his ability to issue any subpoenas but it looks like no one told him. Poor thing.


Today he was annoying everyone on the House Judiciary Committee with the latest bit of Republican obstructionism. Committee Chairman John Conyers just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "This desire to travel back in time and change the subject cannot change the fact that the vice president's former chief of staff was convicted of perjury for thwarting the investigation into the outing of a CIA operative. Now many Republicans who thought perjury was impeachable, think it's pardonable for the rich and powerful."

Lamar, previously best known for botching a conspiratorial fax he meant to send to Karl Rove about politicizing immigration as an issue to use against Democrats, sent President Clinton a disrespectful letter, exactly the kind of stunt one would expect from a clown like Lamar Smith.