NONBINDING RUMOR CIRCULATING IN DC: BIDEN TO CONSIDER VENTURING OUTSIDE THE BELTWAY

Joe Biden was first elected to the Senate in 1972, at age 29. Thousands of dollars in hair plugs, Crest whitening strips and contributions from credit card companies and Big Banking interests later, Biden may be about to spend 4 or 5 consecutive hours outside the Beltway, a sacrifice one must make if one wants to be president. [Note: last time Biden threatened to leave the cozy comforts of the Beltway Bubble that he has so incorporated into his very essence, it was to campaign for his close friend-- and fellow recipient of Big Banking largess-- Holy Joe Lieberman. He managed to get as far as Union station but missed his train.]

Today Biden joins the ranks of future also-rans like Duncan Hunter, Mike Gravel and Tom Tancredo to announce his pointless, sad bid for the presidency (of the United States... of America). Is there a constituency somewhere of people who like the bankruptcy bill? Will his campaign slogan be "Joe Biden: Nonbinding and Symbolic?"

I woke up this morning before 4AM and he was chatting with Soledad O'Brien on CNN, smearing other Democrats with Rove's talking points. (He may have missed the train to Lieberman, but it looks like Lieberman caught up with his pal Biden.) If anyone has forgotten what a worthless waste of a Senate seat Biden is, today's New York Observer has an interview with the worst Democrat to announce for the presidency yet.

Apparently he thinks his superfluous nonbinding symbolic sense of the Senate resolution entitles him to trash more serious candidates' approaches to Iraq. This overstuffed bag of wind actually makes Hillary look good! He refers to her proposals for Iraq as 'nothing but disaster," straight out of the Karl Rove/Joe Lieberman playbook. "To hear him tell it, Hillary Clinton’s position is calibrated, confusing and 'a very bad idea.' John Edwards doesn't know what he's talking about and is pushing a recipe for Armageddon in the Middle East. Barack Obama is offering charming but insubstantial fluff. And all of them are playing politics."

Biden's first hour and a half as a candidate makes one wonder wistfully, when will he drop out. If he's really hoping to be Secretary of State-- he certainly doesn't have enough... well... anything to be seriously considered for a running mate slot for anyone-- maybe he shouldn't insult the actual candidates.

Barely registered at all in the national opinion polls, Biden says his time has finally come. His immediate family may feel the same way. (Biden ran for President in 1988 but no one remembers anything about it other than him plagiarizing someone's speech.) "Although he admits to a tendency to 'bloviate,' he thinks that an aggressive advocate [for credit card companies and Big banking???] with rough edges [compulsive teeth whitening?] might be just what the party needs right now. 'Democrats nominated the perfect blow-dried candidates in 2000 and 2004,' he said, 'and they couldn't connect.'" And instead of blow-dried it's time to try... the hair plugs candidate?


But if you object to Biden parroting GOP talking points when he besmirches Hillary and Edwards, hold on to your jaw when you read what he had to say about Barack Obama. He doesn't mention that Obama has come up with a plan to actually end the war, instead of just debating it endlessly, Biden's forte. But he does manage to start his campaign by insulting every Black person in America, describing Obama as "the first African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." Clean? Were Shirley Chisum and Jesse Jackson dirty? Is Biden claiming Carol Mosley-Braun is ugly and that Al Sharpton is a dummy and inarticulate? Maybe if he got out of the Beltway once in a while... (A 5 hour campaign swing into New Hampshire doesn't count.)

Maybe the little photo on the left is Biden doing the opposition research which cleared Obama of being dirty. Now, if Biden were an actual comic strip character...


UPDATE... LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

Same day Biden announces he's running for president and that he'll announce it on Comedy Central, his son, a Beltway lobbyist, was slapped with an ugly and very embarrassing lawsuit involving the kind of hedge-fund investment firm his dad spends so much time dealing with to the exclusion of real issues that plague real Americans. "R. Hunter Biden, a Washington lobbyist and son of U.S. presidential hopeful Senator Joseph Biden, fraudulently excluded a partner from the purchase of a hedge-fund investment firm, the partner claims in a lawsuit. Biden and his uncle James Biden squeezed investment consultant Anthony Lotito Jr. out of the 2006 acquisition of New York-based Paradigm Cos., Lotito says in a complaint filed Jan. 5 in New York state court. The Bidens lied to Lotito about their joint offer while negotiating a better deal alone, Lotito's complaint says. The Bidens deny the claims. 'He wants back what was stolen from him,' said Lotito's lawyer, Brian Wille of Kostelanetz & Fink LLP in New York. 'He entered into this transaction believing in the honesty and integrity of the Bidens.' Hunter Biden, 36, founder and partner of Washington-based lobbying firm Oldaker, Biden & Belair LLP, stepped down this month from daily oversight of Paradigm Global Advisors LLC, a unit of Paradigm Cos. that manages investments in hedge funds. He became the firm's chairman and remains a lobbyist, an unusual dual role as scrutiny of the hedge-fund industry has increased." Cozy but I guess there is no Senator Oldaker or Senator Belair to help the firm.