We can all think of a lot of words that might be applied to George W. Bush. Would you please raise your hand if you've got "driven" on your list?

Have they completely lost their minds at the Washington Post?

There, in one of the, like, gazillions of online newsletters that washingtonpost.com sends out, was the headline: "A Driven President Faces a World of Crises." Sure enough, this headline appears over what's billed as an "analysis" by Michael Abramowitz and Robin Wright.

A "driven" president? You wonder, who on earth could that be? Well, it turns out to be just who you thought it couldn't possibly be.

I mean, of all the adjectives you could think of to apply to our chimp-in-chief, "driven"? Unless possibly the reference is to Chimpy having to be chauffeured everywhere on account of having such poor motor skills (in both senses). Or maybe he's thought of as being "driven" by those damned voices he hears in his head, the voices that twang at him in country tones how he should eat pretzels, and ride mountain bikes, and be president, and oh yes spread freedom.

Of course newspaper writers normally can't be blamed for a headline, and the focus of the piece is mostly on that "world of dangers" confronting the Bush administration. But Abramowitz and Wright can't be let off the hook entirely, since they do refer to the administration's having "lost the initiative it once possessed on foreign policy in the aftermath of the Iraq invasion, leaving at risk the central Bush aspiration of democracy-building around the world."

There's so much wrong with this silly assertion that one hardly knows where to begin. But to stick to our immediate subject, what is this about a "central Bush aspiration"? Huh? Do they mean George W. Bush? The George W. Bush who's squatting in the White House? Do they really imagine that he has aspirations? That is, beyond havin' one shit-kickin' good time, even if it's a lot harder when they won't let you do no drinkin' or be takin' any of them fine drugs I useta enjoy.

Is there really anyone who takes Binge Boy seriously when he blithers about that spreadin' freedom crap?

Man, when that Chimpy opens his piehole! Whew! At least certain of the waste products that come out of his other orifices could theoretically be spread over soil to promote crop growth. But the stuff that comes out of his mouth—jeez, do they really not know at the Washington Post that when Chimpy opens his mouth, there's a likelihood that as a result innocent people are going to suffer or even die?

Driven indeed. When the driver shows up, I can think of an address or two to have him take Chimpy.