KATHERINE HARRIS BLAMES HER INSANITY ON GOD

No one thinks Katherine Harris, beloved of the extremist loons who control the GOP primaries in Florida, and reviled by everyone else in the state-- Democrats, independents, rational and reality-bound Republicans-- has any chance of beating conservative Democratic Senator Bill Nelson. On top of her growing reputation for being a dim bulb-- she was, after all, voted the stupidest person in Congress (tied with Randy "Duke" Cunningham) and the "worst newcomer" by congressional staffers-- she is also known as someone who always plays fast and loose with the rules.

So, even after it was revealed that she was taking bribes from the very same GOP defense contractor whose activities have already sent her co-dumbest member of Congress to prison, why is she still refusing to pull out of the race? And why did she decide to throw her $10 million paternal inheritance into the swamp? Virtually all the Republican advisors who haven't already jumped ship have urged her to bow out of the race to give the GOP a reasonable chance to win the seat.

Well, yesterday two members of the DWT West Palm Beach-based Art Department, Sadie and Sophie, both courageous octogenarians who escaped deadly right-wing persecution in their native Germany in the late 1930s, piled into Sadie's 1981 Buick and drove down to Ft Lauderdale disguised as... religionist nuts. [I didn't ask what they were wearing but Adam, our Art Director claims they just looked like "a couple of nuts," not especially like religionist nuts. But whatever it was they wore, it seems to have worked and they got in.] Although Sadie has been warned by the state highway patrol that they don't want her driving her Buick on the I95, she and Sophie were determined to join nearly a thousand far right make-believe "Christians" at a hate-fest at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. Reclaiming America For Christ, a whacky GOP front organization, was illegally hosting Harris. Sadie and Sophie are still smarting because they feel Harris tricked them into voting for Pat Buchanan-- who they view as the spiritual descendent of the people who drove them from their native Germany (and murdered almost all their relatives)-- in 2000 so they feel like they have a personal stake in this race.

Anyway, the 45 minute ride took Sadie almost 3 hours-- with her left-hand directional on the whole way-- but they made it just as Harris reached the pulpit and they rushed back to DWT West Palm Headquarters in a state of horror. "She's flipped her wig," Sophie told Adam, while Sadie prepared some tea and some leftover Chinese takeout. "She told everybody she's running because God and The Lord of The Rings want her to! I kid you not. The lady had a desperate and disturbed look in her eyes. But the whole place was a madhouse anyway."

Sadie joined them and explained that Harris claimed she started hearing voices when she was in the third grade but neither Sadie nor Sophie was sure if Harris thought the voices were from God or from the Last of the Mohicans, both of which she said had a big impact on her. "Everybody in the place seemed all worked up and out of their minds and she fit right in. I was afraid that if they caught us they would kill us. Or yell at us. She didn't ask for votes or admit she took the bribes but she started babbling that "Everything is possible with God" and all those crazy people there just ate it up. I don't want to go to any more of these things."