He's No. 1! He's No. 1! Yes, that's right, DWT favorite son Bob Ney is Jack "Sure Am Sorry, Yer Honor" Abramoff's "Representative No. 1"!

Of course we've all been holding our breath, waiting for our Jack to start spilling his guts to the feds. Now he's begun singing what we have to hope will develop into a full-fledged opera—and, we can only hope, a tragic one for the Republicrooks he has serviced so assiduously all these years.

Coincidentally, or maybe not, this also qualifies as another update on the DWT Honor Roll of Republicrooks, since one of the most prodigal of this blog's prodigal sons has the honor of being the only member of Congress actually cited in our Jack's inaugural blabfest, where Ohio Rep. Bob Ney appears transparently disguised as "Representative No. 1."

Hey, that's our Bob! Gosh, we could hardly be prouder of our boy.

Of course this leaves Ohio authorities playing catchup for their chunk of our Bob's hide—along with the network of Ohio Republicrooks implicated in the machinations of party paymaster and embezzler extraordinaire Tom "Anybody Seen the Coins?" Noe. At last count that network included, er, essentially Republican officeholder in the state, emphatically including its senators and congresscrooks. Surely it's only a matter of time before they have to hang a "Gone Fishin'" sign on state GOP HQ after the entire state party is carted off to the pokey?

As a matter of fact, the political super-maven who circulated the first news I heard yesterday of the execution of our Jack's plea bargain couched the news in apocalyptic terms: something like "the beginning of the end of the Republican party as we know it."

Of course we can't help thinking that the real Representative No. 1 in the Abramoff cataclysm (if we may indulge in a bit of wishful thinking!) is none other than the Bugman himself, semi-former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. Naturally, the Hammer is hanging tough. A DeLay spokescreep name of Kevin Madden had this to say:

"Mr. DeLay has been very clear that all of his actions were properly vetted and they were promptly and publicly disclosed in accordance with House ethics rules. So there is no reason for him to be concerned."

Could you die laughing? I mean, getting "Mr. DeLay" and "House ethics rules" in the same sentence? Hey, Kev, are you auditioning for Saturday Night Live or what?

I'm trying to imagine what "The House Ethics Rules According to Mr. DeLay" might look like.

(1) Go for it, baby!

(2) Is that gonna be in cash?

(3) Unless you're a Democrat, in which case if you're real quiet and not too greedy, we may let you live.

Of course, if there are any SNL openings, the Bugman's flack may find himself competing with not-yet-indicted House Speaker Denny Hastert, who according to this morning's paper "has raised the possibility of new ethics training for lawmakers." Imagine, getting "ethics" and "lawmakers" in a Republicrook-uttered sentence.

Stop already, Denny, I'm gonna bust a gut laughing!

For that matter, our Jack sounds like he's honing his comic skills as well. What was it he said to the District Court judge yesterday? Wait, here it is: "All of my remaining days, I will feel tremendous sadness and regret for my conduct and for what I have done."

Can't you see that courtroom, with everyone in it doubled over laughing? Ohmygod, Jack, you're killing us! If you can come up with material of this quality, by the time you finish your decade or so in stir you should have an act ready for Vegas.