Happy birthday, Senator Burns, and many happy returns—though unfortunately in prison, where it looks like you're headed

Fortunately there doesn't appear to be any imminent shortage of Republicrooks and other public nogoodniks, because it looks as if more and more of the familiar DWT faves will soon be "pursuing other opportunities," of the sort that Anthony on Designing Women used to refer to as "the unfortunate period of my incarceration."

It appears that the pride of Montana, Sen. Conrad "Show Me the Money" Burns, will be celebrating what should be his last birthday in a while "on the outside" in style—at any rate, the style to which he has become accustomed. As the Washington Post's Chris Cillizza reports in his political blog "The Fix," in an item called "A Birthday Ba$h for Conrad Burns":

What better way for Burns to spend his 71st birthday than at a fundraiser sponsored by Cassidy & Associates—a leading lobbying shop in the nation's capital?

Burns will do just that next Wednesday at 6:30 p.m. ET, according to an invitation for the event obtained by The Fix. The party will be held at Cassidy's offices in downtown Washington, D.C. To serve as a "host" for the event, a donation of $2,000 per political action committee and $1,000 per individual is required. Attendance at the event requires a $1,000 PAC donation or $500 individual contribution.

I know if I were thinking about peeling off a wad o' cash to help the senator "celebrate," I'd want to know just what kind of return I can expect on my investment once my good pal Connie relocates to the slammer.


WEEKEND UPDATE: THE CONRAD BURNS DEATH WATCH REPORT

In case you haven't opened your copy yet, today's MISSOULIAN has more really bad news for crooked Montana Senator Conrad Burns. Burns, it turns out, wasn't just involved with the Abramoff bribery scandals in terms of the American Indian tribes he helped swindle, but was also involved with Abramoff's scams in the Marianas Islands, an American colony in the Pacific. According to the MISSOULIAN, Burns "met with a Marianas official who had close ties to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff in the weeks before Burns received an Abramoff-related $5,000 contribution from the Marianas and reversed his earlier position on a bill about the islands. The politician, Gov. Benigno Fitial, has said he will cooperate with the Justice Department's ongoing investigation into potential bribery of public officials involving Abramoff, a man Fitial once described as a 'close friend,' according to Pacific Magazine, a Hawaii publication that covers the Pacific region."

Although in 2000 Burns found nothing wrong with an identical bill to strenthen U.S. oversight over labor and immigration laws concerning the shameful and squalid conditions in the colony, once he was on the Abramoff payroll, he promptly voted NO (May, 2001). And he's been lying about it and changing his stories ever since. If Fitial testifies against him, he's a dead duck. (Well, he's already a dead duck for all the Abramoff bribery and corruption bull in the American indian scams, but he'll be a deader duck.)


MORE WEEKEND UPDATE: NOW PEOPLE IN MONTANA ARE LAUGHING AT BURNS

Alas, the Art Department is drunk at some south Florida goth club tonight so I can't get anything out of them-- and the news from Montana this weekend really does lend itself to some artistic fireworks. I mean people hounding Montana's corrupt senator with signs that say "Burns your lie is open!" and "Sold to the Highest Bidder!"

The Associated Press ran a piece Friday, "Sen. Burns Can't Escape Abramoff's Shadow that pretty much shows why John Tester will be the junior senator from Big Sky Country come November. "Among Senate Republicans, only Pennsylvania's Rick Santorum is more vulnerable than Burns, some observers say. Burns is front and center in the Abramoff scandal..."