BROKEBACK BUSH SPEAKS... AND GIGGLES... UNCOMFORTABLY

No one ever accused George Bush of being eloquent-- or even remotely able to communicate as well as an average 12 year old. But when someone asks him something unscripted and challenging, he stutters and mumbles and disintegrates into a pitiful morass of nonsense. I for one don't know if Scotty McClellan has shown his boss the pictures of the famous BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN promo posters that feature Bush and some of his closest associates, but BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN just won half a dozen Golden Globe awards, one of which was for Best Film of 2005, and was the #1 film in the nation for a few days after that, so even someone as remote and unconnected to reality as Bush should at least be able to say a few words about it... something! However, when a reporter asked him the tough BROKEBACK question at a rare spontaneous press conference today, Bush started sweating like a pig, giggling and blushing like an 8th grade girl, and babbling incoherently.

"You're a rancher," the reporter gently, albeit inaccurately, suggested. "A lot of us here in Kansas are ranchers. I just wanted to get your opinion on BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and if you had seen it yet... You would love it. You should check it out."

Proving conclusively once and for all that whether or not he had ever bothered to show up for National Guard duty, he certainly never showed up for grammar lessons. "I hadn't seen it. I would be glad to talk about ranchin' but I haven't seen the movie... I've heard about it... I hope you go... you know... heh, heh... I hope you go back to the ranch and the farm is what I was going to say... I hadn't seen it."

I wonder if anyone asked him when he's going to bring the troops home from Iraq-- or of what he thinks about Mark Morford's comparison between BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and the scary neo-fascist dreck Bush nominated to the Supreme Court (of the United States).