TIM BEDORE v GEORGE W. BUSH-- A GUEST COLUMN FROM MY FUNNIEST FRIEND

Tim Bedore's an old friend of mine from when he was a music director at boring old rock stations in Sacramento and Houston playing dreadful hair bands like Journey and REO Speedwagon. Eventually I was able to convert him to good music and he wound up in San Francisco and developed excellent musical taste-- big Wilco and Replacements fan-- and worked at the alternative rock stations there. And he always fancied himself a comedian; still does. In fact, once he talked me into dressing up in a jalaba and playing some Biblical figure on a TV sketch he was doing for a vestigial version of VAGUE BUT TRUE which, as everyone knows, is now a blockbuster show for NPR (running on 140 stations as part of "Marketplace"). Recently Tim moved to Minnesota or Wisconsin. But he's still a riot.

Yesterday he attacked our president, George W. Bush. Can you image someone kicking a man when he's down? Most people see a wretched, drunken, despised fool like Bush and they want to lend a hand and clean him up but Tim's a real pit dog and just because Bush has done some damage here and there, now and then-- or maybe because he lies about it-- Tim eviscerates him. Can you image? No? Well, here's the transcript of the piece that NPR broadcast yesterday. (One wonders how Tomlinson missed Tim.)

Let’s Get Behind a Bush

Here he is, a philosopher, a writer, a comedian, a loyal follower of no one..., the host of vague but true...Tim Bedore. Well thank you very much.

Nothing has gone right for President Bush recently and I believe we as a nation need to quit nitpicking and criticizing. Not every decision a President makes can be perfect.

So, he attacked a country that didn’t attack us first. So, he got us into an unnecessary war that we’ll be paying for for generations to come.  People, that’s an easy mistake to make.  Look at what he was dealing with-– somebody from that part of the world attacked us and those sneaky bastards over there conveniently all look the same. Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Banana-stand... it’s very confusing as to who's who. 

Even if invading Iraq doesn’t turn out to be a brilliant move, anybody who ever went to college knows... not every bar fight you get into looks as justified in the end as it does when it starts.  Sometimes you just punch the wrong guy. So, let’s back off a bit on Iraq.

Let’s try to focus on the positive things like how blessed we are to have a President who talks to God. People say President Bush’s response to Hurricane Katrina was a little slow, but that’s only because God was too busy whipping up that next Hurricane to remind the President about feeding the poor and suffering from the first hurricane. If God didn’t want the poor down there to suffer a little bit why would He have sent another hurricane to the same place weeks later? That’s why the relief effort was slow, it’s what God wanted.

And yet people still carp and complain about President Bush. They say wouldn’t it be great to have a President who only screwed-up... interns in the Oval Office.

Really? You want to go back to Presidents who had affairs? Look at the hell that results when we have philandering Presidents.  It’s a historical fact George Washington had affairs.  And what a loser President he was. I believe it started as a joke they even called him the father of the country.  There was no birth control back then, and...“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, Old George is the Father of the Country,” was the depraved punch-line told throughout the colonies. When they carved “Washington slept here” in their headboards... they were talking about the General getting more than a little shut-eye. They were talking about his Yankee Doodle Randy. His illegitimate offspring? The Daughters of the Revolution. Look it up! These were the jokes of the time. This country barely got off the ground with that pervert Washington running things.

Thomas Jefferson had illegitimate kids with his Negro slaves. Would we ever want to have a President like Jefferson again?

Some historians think Abraham Lincoln might have been gay. Gay! How’s that for cheating on your wife? Lincoln, total loser.

FDR? This guy was so horny he was wheeling around the country looking for women. And we’re still trying to recover from the four terms of Franklin Disastero Roosevelt. 

Kennedy? King of the affairs. If John Kennedy ran against George Bush today, knowing what we now know about him, would anybody vote for the bed-hopping boink-meister from liberal Boston? No way.

If history teaches us anything it’s that jobs are created, the economy blossoms, this country flourishes, when we have Presidents who don’t have affairs like George Bush, Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon. 

So, let’s back off and cut the President some slack.  And that’s not just me talking, that’s a message I got from the higher power I listen to... Rush Limbaugh. If you love America get out there and get behind a Bush.

From Minneapolis, Minnesota, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes, I’m Tim Bedore on the Bob and Tom radio network.