WHITE HOUSE FLOATS RUMOR TO "PROVE" ROVE'S NOT GAY

With all the dirt about James Guckert (aka- Jeff Gannon) circulating around D.C., wonderers have been wondering who exactly gave the gay male prostitute (who, according to his own website, specialized in urination) so much access to the White House. Although the whole country watched in horror as he asked Bush, at a nationally televised press conference, a nonsensical question to the effect of "Mr. President, how can a great hero like you stand what those horrible, traitorous Democrats are doing?" only C-Span addicts saw him day after day after day always ready with an equally inane softball for Scott McClellan. Most DC insiders assumed that it was McClellan, a closet homosexual who was a regular at Austin gay pick-up joints for years, who got Guckert/Gannon, the gay prostitute posing as a journalist, his White House passes. But once it came out that Guckert/Gannon had signed into the White House several times late at night and didn't sign out until early morning... well, wonderers REALLY started wondering. Does Scotty McClellan have that kind of authority to have a gay tryst in the White House??? Did they use plastic sheets? Or was someone else responsible?

And, the "someone else" is usually thought to be Karl Rove. The self-loathing gays who have come to dominate the upper echelons of the GOP (Gay Old Party)-- from uncloseted ones like Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman to semi-undercover gays like McClellan and Congressman Mark Foley to deeply undercover gays like Rove-- form a kind of secretive "gay Republican Mafia" to protect eachother and advance eachother's careers.

Al Martin, author of "The Conspirators: Secrets of an Iran Contra Insider," has done a lot of research on Rove and he seems pretty certain that Rove is a don of this "gay Mafia." Before Rove found a beard to marry to help throw off suspicions, Martin remembers him all the way back in the mid-80's. "He doesn't look all that much different now than he did 20 years ago. But here's a guy that looks like a cross between Humpty Dumpty and the Pillsbury Doughboy. I never saw him with a woman. He was never friendly with any women and never seemed to have any girlfriends or go out on a date or anything. Karl would always hang around at the Rooftop Bar at the Mayflower, which is directly across the street from the White House where all the 'DOJ Pretty Boys,' as they used to call them, would go after work for a drink. And that's always where Karl was...It's odd that this guy has never married. He's a bachelor. Usually in Bushonian circles, particularly when you're close to the religious right, which Karl is and raises money from them, it's almost obligatory that you be married and have kids."

The stories about Rove being gay have swirled around Bush for years and years and recently there have been stories about him frequenting M2M peepshows. But it is the Guckert/Gannon connection that has tongues wagging. Is it Rove's (understandable) self-loathing, rather than garden variety homophobia that has him encouraging Bush and Cheney to pursue such harsh anti-gay strategies?

Well, now the White House is surreptitiously circulating a rumor that Humpty Dumpty is not only not gay, but also a ladies' man of sorts! The gist of the rumor is that an old beard that Rove used to use as his cover before he got "married," GOP lobbyist Karen Johnson, was/is actually his lover. Everyone who knows this is laughing. "Rove's as gay as wrapping paper," one Texas Republican with one to many drinks in him told us. "Believe me, he and Karen are professional 'friends;' that's it." Officially a White House spokesman (Scotty?) had "no comment," wink, wink, nod, nod.