Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

If we didn't do any testing, we would have very few cases. -Mr. Stable Genius, May 14, 2020

Now Donnie Psycho has been saying that the number of Covid-19 cases wouldn't be so high if we didn't test, and, after saying "we have such tremendous tests, beautiful tests," he whines that testing is overrated. That's right, in the Trump mind, tests actually cause the cases. He hasn't stopped there: He then bitches about the "fake news" not reporting his "common sense" explanation as to why we have so many cases of the virus, reiterating that it's because we administer tests. How dare we! It's all a plot! In Trump's Adderall fried, syphilis-eaten mind, no tests=no cases! Brilliant! Republican logic on parade! So, where does this lead? If one doesn't count the cookies in a jar, does that mean there are no cookies? I guess in republican world, if you want more cookies, just start counting and more will magically appear! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Magic Cookie Jar! No stoner need ever go hungry! Just wait until this year's republican convention when Trump's sweating, beady-eyed, wacko lawyer, Rudy Giuliani announces that Trump has ended cancer in our lifetime! How'd he do it you ask? Easy! He issued an executive order to Sloan Kettering which forbade them to count up the number of cases they're treating. "Obama couldn't end cancer, but I did!"

That scenario is not at all far fetched now that Trump's mind is short circuiting more and more by the day. He's already been trying to get the CDC to alter the way it counts the numbers of cases in our country. He doesn't want such high and exponentially growing numbers attached to his already blackened name. But, Jeez, I thought he liked to brag about his high numbers. Ordinarily, he touts his "high numbers, and his "ratings." What gives, Mr. President? Your mind is now disintegrating so much that you really think you can have it both ways? Those numbers of dead you so obviously wanted are now coming back to bite your grotesquely fat ass? Are you so conflicted in la cabeza that you might implode? Just, please, please, promise us that if you do implode, you'll do it on live TV. You know, "Promises Made. Promises Kept." So please do that one thing to actually, for real, make America great again. If you do, your name will be attached to a national holiday. Hey, isn't that what you want? Oh, how I long to see the camera pull back and show you whimpering on the floor in a shuddering fetal position, soaked in your own drool and urine. Clean up in Aisle 2020!