Sunday, November 24, 2019

Midnight Meme Of The Day!


by Noah

Sunday Thoughts:

Well, isn't this special: Ohio, which "blessed" us with Gym Shower Jordan, passed the law referred to in tonight's meme about 10 days ago. Under the republikooks, this kind of thing isn't just limited to the South now. Not that we didn't already know that but the disease of Christian Nuttery is continuing to intensify right along with other Republican touchstones such as White Supremacy, the further subjugation of women, and the repression of "brown" people and the LGBTQ community. It's all of a piece of course. It's what the Republican Party is and Trump has enabled them and cheered them on, not just with his mouth and tweets but with his judicial appointments, all dutifully confirmed by Moscow Mitch and his minions.

So, if this sort of thing is going to become permissible across the land, and approved of by kook judges and idiot voters, I thought I'd come up with a few "religious beliefs" of my own. Here are just a handful:
1. Since I have found my new Christian god, I have decided that the scientific principles of friction are wrong, wrong, wrong. Accordingly, I have decided not to fix the brakes on my car and, even better, my 16-wheel fully-loaded truck. Good luck on the highway, folks! If you see me a-comin', you'd best pull over. Although, I could just run my big, manly truck right over you and speed you to the pearly gates. Wouldn't that make you happy?

2. I've decided that I am against vaccinations of dogs for rabies! So, next time I let my dogs out to roam the neighborhood you might want to stay inside!

3. I also have some nifty ideas that will make schooling (public, private, or the hugely preferable home schooling) for the kiddies easier. For instance, I will petition all Republican legislatures to decree that Pi now equals a flat 3.0, not 3.14. Won't that make those dreaded math courses so much easier? Hey, Republicans already believe that 3+3 = 10 anyway.

4. Come to think of it, maybe my religion states that Pi equals 3:16. Get ready to see signs behind homeplate at baseball games that just say Pi instead of John 3:16. Of course, in a country where people can't spell, a Pi sign will just make them hungry.

5. No more school science fairs! They offend me! They are against my new beliefs!

6. I now believe that nitrous oxide enables the brain to learn faster. Hence forward, all schools should make arrangements to have it piped into all classrooms during school hours. This is obviously being done with great results in Republican state legislatures and is one reason why my new hero, Moscow Mitch, makes so many visits to the Senate cloakroom with Lindsey Graham and always returns with such a beatific smile.

7. In my religion, we fervently believe that humanity should return to dumping our human waste into the middle of our streets. Cholera can be a good thing. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Since republicans believe that the dangers of pollution are simply fake news, this is, how you say, a no brainer.

8. Yes, Adam and Eve were white, just like my Jesus, and rode to work on dinosaurs. Got a problem with that?
By the way, Ohio is the new Flor-i-duh. Need further proof? Both states have a city called Miami. Where does the kind of thing that Ohio is doing end? Literature, another thing Republicans regard with fear and suspicion tells us-
Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.
-George Orwell, 1984 (He was only off by 35 years.)

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At 3:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohio enters a new Dark Age. How long before all of these "good Christians" decide to force the rest of us to join them in their willful ignorance?

At 6:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A friend, a professor at a university well south of Cleveland, answered thusly my query about why Ohio repeatedly votes (as Thomas Frank wrote about Kansas) contrary to its own best interests:
"Have you ever been to Southern Ohio? It's filled with idiots."

I think that pretty much sums it up.

At 7:04 AM, Anonymous Hone said...

Pinch me. I wanna wake up form this nightmare.

At 7:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Where does the kind of thing that Ohio is doing end?"
History shows it ends with some form of "holy inquisition", "final solution" or the like complete with purges of heretics.
Thanks to another cabal of historical figures (hitler, Himmler, heydrich...), we know one very efficient way to "purge".

Southern Ohio is in no way alone in being populated by idiots. You cannot fling a Frisbee anywhere without having a better than average chance of it hitting an idiot.

there are many defining characteristics of a shithole. this is yet another one.


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