Sunday, June 09, 2019

We Need Alec Baldwin And Nancy Pelosi To Take A Look At This Post By Andy Paley


Andy Paley is a very old friend, a singer, songwriter and producer who has worked with Madonna, Brian Wilson, kd lang, John Wesley Harding, Jerry Lee Lewis, NRBQ, SpongeBob, Jonathan Richman, Elton John, Brenda Lee, Chris Isaak, the Mighty Lemon Drops, Nasa and... the Foremen:

Anyway, Andy wrote a song the other day and asked me if I could get it to anyone who sounds like Trump and could sing. I suggested Alec Baldwin, and Andy said he's the absolute best person in the world, but... how? Well, he and I are both on the board of People for the American Way. I suggested Andy give me a tape and I would send it to him. Instead, Andy decided to put the song into some context. SO he wrote a scene for Saturday Night Live that included Baldwin singing the song. This is what Andy wrote... in like two hours!

Alec Baldwin as Trump

VTR: DONALD TRUMP is at the podium, making a speech at a MAGA rally.


... Fake news, fake books-- these are disgusting people. I’ve done an A+ job. It’s incredible. How can you impeach somebody who’s done such a great job? If I ever get impeached the country, the market would crash. They can go ahead and try. If I ever get impeached the country will go broke. If I ever get impeached there will be rioting.
If I ever get impeached... (REPEATING ECHO)

The camera zooms in as he lapses into a dream.

(with repeating echo)

Impeached.....getting impeached might not be so bad....yeah ....why not?.....impeached.....impeached .....

As the room starts SPINNING like the tornado scene in The Wizard Of Oz, we


LIVE on the stage.
The podium has come to rest in a shambles.
As the smoke clears, Trump emerges, straightening his tie and brushing off dust. Band kicks into...


To the tune of “If I Only Had A Brain”

I’d order-out from Spago

Fly Stormy to Mar-A-Lago

And bang her on the beach

I’d get back to colludin'

With some ho’s supplied by Putin
If I ever got impeached
Oh there’d be some celebratin’
But Pence would be there waitin’
To step into the breech

So what, I’m not a keeper

The swamp’ll just get deeper 

If I ever got impeached

Yes, the Dems would put the steaks on
But then they’d slam the brakes on
With a great big screech

Oh, they’d quit their High-Fivin’
All their shuckin’ and their jivin’
If I ever got impeached

They’d wish they’d never dissed me
And find out how much they’d miss me
And my nightly tweets

I’d moon the whole damn senate

Hang and bang with Tony Bennett

If I ever got impeached...

...(suddenly the REAL Tony Bennett appears....huge applause....he signals the band to stop playing)


Hey! Stop the music! Whoa! Whoa! Hey Don-Don, why am I in this stupid fantasy-song of yours???!!!!

TRUMP (shrugs)

Hey, c’mon Tony, your name rhymes with “senate” OK?!!?

TONY walks away shaking his head in disgust.

TRUMP (counts band in) 1,2,3,4 take it to the bridge boys!


Oh I

Could be that guy
I’d cry

And wave good-bye
I’d lie and lie and lie
Say “Fuck

The F.B.I.!”

I’ve heard that it’s essential
Acting presidential

So I’d give the greatest speech
The witch hunt would be over
I’d be rollin’ in some clover
If i ever got impeached
And as I got to goin’

I’d flip the bird to Cohen

That lousy, loser leech

Then I’d go out and get wired

When they finally say “You’re fired!”
If I ever got impeached

(2nd bridge)

Fake news
Would be a bore
One big
Collective snore
If you
Get rid of Trump
Watch the ratings
Take a dump!

And before I say “That’s all folks!”
So sorry ‘bout the wall folks!

It was just out of my reach

I could finally stop pretending
There’d be such a “happy ending”
If I ever got impeached

They’d stop investigatin’
And I’d go back to datin’
Any skank within my reach
To Melania I’d say “See ya!”
Fly her coach to North Korea
If I ever got impeached

To prove I’m not a wussy

I’d grab Hope Hick’s pussy

And peel that fuzzy peach

Take a lucky pageant winner

Out for golden showers and dinner
If I ever got impeached


By Yip Harburg, Harold Arlen & Andy Paley

That's All Folks by Tim Atseff

Labels: , , ,


At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andy Paley is an underappreciated national treasure. Someone should send Ain't No Liberal to the so-called leaders of the democraptic Party for whom it could be representative of their respective histories.

At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this why Baldwin just swore to never play trump again?

How about Frank Caliendo?

At 2:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why the Pelosi shout-out? she would not understand.


Post a Comment

<< Home