Saturday, April 11, 2009

Gay Republicans Splitting Into Spatting Factions-- God's Plan?


Right-wing radio host John Batchelor's funeral oration over the rotting corpse of the Republican Party was my favorite read of yesterday. And as he points out, the Democrats, alas, had nothing to do with it; it was malicious suicide. I'd recommend you read the whole thing-- which is why I have that link up top. But here's a taste:
The Republican Party is dead like Lehman Brothers and Robert E. Lee, not to be revived by TARP, Rupert Murdoch, or a surge of feverish nationalism. The present financial collapse makes it plain to see that the Republican Party did not die recently at the hands of the clever Democrats, but rather in 1933 at the hands of cowards, sycophants, and snobs who regarded the awesome Democratic victories in 1930 and 1932 as a “smear” of Herbert Hoover and a “panic.” Since the Great Depression I, the Democrats have been the electorate’s default choice, the politicians who rule as if America was simultaneously a school district, a union hall, a junior-year-abroad seminar, and a PAC. The Republicans who pop up now and again thrive in the empty-quarter counties of the West or in the so-called Old South, which is better understood as Confederacy Lite.

...Vigilant Democrats worry today that the Republican Party is only playing possum, or that it can be revived by extraordinary means such as a Martian invasion. In fact, the GOP is a mummy-wrapped skeleton sitting in its own chilly mausoleum of bilious resentments and creepy sentimentality. What remains to call themselves Republicans are baldly badly educated or just prankish Confederate re-enactors-- chubby men in gray and butternut suits with gold buttons and feather-tipped hats, clanking down stairs with shiny sabers. A handful of them are just boors from the South who look poorly on horseback and wave unread Bibles while calling for Billy Sunday to rise like the gold market.

...The party’s death 76 years ago was never more obvious than over the last six months of the financial crisis. The Democrats sensibly blamed the feckless, bootless Bush administration for the collapse of the markets. Tongue-tied Bush and dyspeptic Cheney defended themselves with grunts and sarcasm before they surrendered to Congress by sending out the plutocrat Hank Paulson with a plan called TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program). A breathing Republican Party would have brought out the flintlocks, boarded the windows, and settled down for a defense of the republic. Instead, the Republican leadership in the House and Senate rushed to grab the pork bribery and vote with the Democrats. John Boehner, Roy Blunt, Eric Cantor, Mitch McConnell, and Judd Gregg distinguished themselves as dhimmis and were later rewarded by the victorious Democrats by being granted parakeet cages for offices in the new Congress. The House Republicans now boasts that they voted a goose egg against the stimulus package, but this was just the twitching of the corpse. The truth about the House Republicans-- cowards, sycophants, and snobs just like 1930’s lot-- is illustrated by the fact that 85 of them voted for the ludicrous AIG bonus-confiscation bill written on the back of a parking ticket.

If you've ever heard more than 10 minutes of Batchelor's show, you know he's a right wing fanatic. But he's hardly the only one who's sickened by the Republican Party these days. New polling shows that while President Obama's approval rating has climbed from 67% to 68%, the Republican Party is viewed even more unfavorably than it was last week. Last week only 65% of Americans thought they sucked. This week it was up to 66%. And while 18% still view the Republican congressional caucus favorably, John Boehner's and Miss McConnell's unfavorable ratings have continued to climb-- 58 think Boehner is the worst person in the world and 56% think Miss McConnell is.

Of course if you're a free mouseketeer marketeer and you don't believe in polls, you might prefer to read the tea leaves presented by the market itself. This list comes from and relates to hard-covered autographed copies of the books:

• Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope ($2,000)
• Ronald Reagan, An American Life ($900)
• Bill Clinton, My Life ($300-$500)
• Hillary Clinton, Living History ($300-$500)        
• Joe Biden, Promises To Keep ($300-$500)
• Jimmy Carter, Keeping Faith ($300-$500)
• John McCain, Faith of My Fathers ($300-$500)
• Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth ($150-$250)
• George H.W. Bush, All The Best, George Bush ($150-$250)
• Bill Richardson, Between Worlds: The Making of an American Life ($75-$100)
• Colin Powell, My American Journey ($75-$100)

But here's the best part... signed copies of Bill O'Reilly's The O'Reilly Factor and Newt Gingrich's Lessons Learned The Hard Way, go for just $25, or the same as the list price of the book, so the autograph is essentially free. In fact, there's a huge glut of $23 signed O'Reilly books. The list for the book itself is exactly $23.
Another sign o' the times for the right is that a dissident faction of gay conservatives is launching a rival group to the traditional voice of gay Republicans: the Log Cabin Republicans. Yes, there's a gay break-up in the GOP. And while Charlie Crist (R-FL), David Dreier (R-CA), Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and Mark Foley (R-FL) will probably stick with the traditionalists at the Log Cabin, don't be surprised if the more extremist closet queens in the GOP-- your Patty McHenrys (NC), Aaron Schocks (IL) and Adrian Smiths (NE) find it more comfy with GOProud the drooling neo-nazis a bit further to the right.

They won't officially come out til Wednesday but gay Republican Washington-- between 20 and 30% of Capitol Hill-- is all atwitter over the new organization which claims to better represent the fringy far right elements of gay Republican world. Apparently Tim Gill, a progressive, has been providing the Log Cabin queens with about one-third of their budget an, like all good Republicans, they sold out immediately. One disgruntled gay wingnut who left the Log Cabin queens for the GOProud queens said gay Republicans need an organization that spends more time talking about tax policy and how the traditional GOP greed and selfishness agenda is a perfect fit for gay Republicans. “There hasn’t been a voice for … gay conservatives for the last five months, really, in Washington. And so as that time has lapsed, that was when we made the assessment and determined the need for an organization in Washington and put the pieces in place to make that happen.” He said GOProud plans to fight Congress' and Obama’s push for higher taxes and work for the repeal of the estate taxes. Perhaps they need to meet Blanche Lincoln. Many gay Republicans, especially DC closet queens, love the name Blanche. People close to Mitch McConnell have been calling him Blanche for years., although the Kentucky closet case prefers them not to do that in public places-- and never when Senator Lincoln is around, which these days is very often. Anyway, the new gay Repugs say their priority will not be gay legislation, just the greed and selfishness stuff. Our own gay art director in West Palm Beach found the perfect little film clip for the unveiling of the new Republican gays. Enjoy:

Meanwhile, McCain's daughter is urging the GOP to get more gay friendly-- for their own good. (And not the Mark Foley-Larry Craig-Patrick McHenry kind of "gay friendly.") I wonder if she's made any headway with dad.

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At 6:55 AM, Blogger Distributorcap said...

that was a great read on a rainy saturday!

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Pastor Bob-Independent Fundamentalist Baptist said...

Hallelujah! That video was a perfect example of how we cure homosexuality. You heathens think it is a choice! Look how we fixed that homosexual in the video! That's right, a couple left shots hallelujah!

At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Bil said...

Hilarious! No wait that's really sick. Thanks Howie!


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