Tuesday, February 06, 2007



"I'm not gay!" was an anguished refrain often heard by viewers of South Park, one of the only TV shows I watch regularly and one of the only TV shows so anthemic to right-wingers that it spawned a politico-cultural entry in wikipedia: "South Park Republican"-- not to mention a book (Brian Anderson's absurdist South Park Conservatives: The Revolt Against Liberal Media Bias) and a host of (mostly ill-informed) magazine articles. But the refrain was the tortured plea for help from right-wing closet case, super-bigot and third grade teacher, Mr. Garrison.

Once Mr. Garrison was forced to come to terms with his homosexuality-- and it was painful-- he embraced his true self... and had a sex change. At that point, as Mrs. Garrison, he was able to resume teaching bigotry, ignorance and hatred to his Colorado elementary school pupils. Why bring this up? Glad you asked.

You remember the homophobic, far right, closet case preacher in Colorado who was outed late last fall? Ted Haggard. The headline in today's Denver Post reads Haggard Says He's Not Gay. And, after 3 weeks of "intensive counseling" he wants to go back to spreading Hatred and Bigotry. Three weeks might not be enough to turn Haggard around and running away to Iowa or Missouri-- they have boys there too, Ted-- probably isn't the answer either. [The male hooker Rev. Haggard hired to blow for years on end doesn't buy the self-proclaimed "cure" either.] A sex change operation? Well, watch the video; it worked for Mr/Mrs. Garrison. Look what a happily, well-adjusted Republican woman he is now:


At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have to remember that Christians have a mentality that provides for instant "fixes" no matter what the problem.

Denial is a way of life for them, it is ritual denial and it is open ended.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Foston said...


Not all Christians, just conservative evangelicals.

Saying [all]"Christians believe" X is the equivalent of saying all Liberals believe X. It is demonizing for no good purpose.

Episcopalians have no such beliefs as a denomination (though there are those who dissent of course), neither do Lutherans, Presbertyrians, Methodists, and other main stream Christians.

Just a thought.

At 1:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insert word "many" before Christians. That will fix it. I guess until the rest of the Christians...no many....get noisy, your wingnut brethern will get the attention and the attribution.

At 2:09 PM, Blogger Milt Shook said...

I heard this story this morning and laughed my ass off.

It's not "many" Christians (at least in this country); it's MOST Christians, who act as if being gay deserves some sort of Scarlet Letter. (Well, the color scarlet is very fetching...)

There are a few things telling about the reaction to this asshole. First off, when the tape came out, no one focused on the fact that he obviously had a meth problem, and was lying and quite likely stealing to pay for it. No one mentions the obvious hypocrisy in his "fabulous" criticism of homosexuals as portrayed in "Jesus Camp." No, every criticism of this "Crystal Meth"-odist coming from the right has centered around his homosexuality.

Apparently, they can forgive those who do drugs, those who lie and steal to do drugs, and hypocrites, and presumably, if the hooker he paid for was female, he could be forgiven for that, too.

But gay? No forgiveness for that, so he had to be washed clean, eh?

These people are not Christians. Hell, they can't possibly believe in God, unless they believe God is as stupid as they are. They'd better hope there isn't a rapture, because they're not going where they think they're going.


At 3:21 PM, Blogger TeddySanFran said...

The church-ordered audit that pronounced Pastor Ted "completely heterosexual" also told him to leave the state and find employment outside the church.

What a lovely bunch of supporters they are!

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Peter O said...

You're forgetting that Mrs. Garrison went on to have a fling with Richard Dawkins. (The atheist, not Richard Dawson, the gameshow host. Glad I cleared that up for myself.)

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does this mean he doesn't like "Peter" as much as the other disciples or at least as much as he did before the conversion?

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