Today's Update from Super Bowl City: What to do if if turns out your Super Bowl tickets are fake

What, you thought you could just walk into MetLife Stadium for the Super Bowl on Sunday? You sad dreamer! If you're already in East Rutherford, NJ (and we won't ask why you're in East Rutherford, NJ), you have to make the long march to Secaucus, NJ (by the time you're making the schlepp from East Rutherford to Secaucus, you should have a strong hint that your life hasn't turned out quite the way you hoped), and then take the NJ Transit train. But you'll have to show your game ticket to board the stadium train.

"New York, New York, it's a hell of a town.
The Bronx is up, and the Battery's down."

-- Alexander Hamilton, in Federalist Paper No. [inaudible]

by Ken

We continue our series of service features on Coping with Super Bowl XLVIII. Yesterday, you'll recall, we warned you that all $100 bills in the Greater NY-NJ Metropolitan Area have been replaced with counterfeits. If you're caught trying to pass fake C-notes, you'll . . . um, I have to admit that I didn't read the report all that carefully. I believe it said that if you're caught with the hot bills, the Secret Service will send you to New Haven. But I should probably check this out further.

Some locals think they can get around by carrying their walking-around money in 50s (or 1000s). However, this still requires you to place a heap of faith in purported U.S. currency, and our information is that more prudent Super Bowl attendees are carrying their spending money in rolls of nickels.

Moving on to today's "So You're Going to the Super Bowl" Tip, No. 312:

If you've got tickets for the game, they're probably fake.

Bronx Man Caught with Over $100K in Fake Super Bowl Tickets: Authorities

By Ben Fractenberg on January 30, 2014 7:55pm

THE BRONX -- A Soundview man's "dream crushing" counterfeit Super Bowl ticket operation was shut down Thursday, Bronx prosecutors said.

Police arrested Kevin Walker, 42, after finding 124 fake tickets worth $113,900 in his Croes Avenue apartment and in a van owned by his housemate, according to the Bronx District Attorney's Office. [Huh? The fake tickets were worth $113,900? To whom? -- Ed.]

“The sale of these tickets would have potentially deprived fans of their hard earned dollars and crushed the dreams of young and old expecting to attend the much anticipated annual climax to the football season," Bronx DA Robert Johnson said in a statement.

Investigators working with the National Football League saw Walker leaving his apartment Wednesday about 6:30 p.m. with a shoebox, which he placed in a van parked outside.

Bronx prosecutors did not say why they zeroed in on Walker.

Police got a warrant to enter the apartment he was sharing with a woman and found the tickets, holographic paper, gold leaf paper, laminate glue, two packages of 4-by-6 photo paper, a cutter and hot press, according to the DA's Office.

Two other men were arrested Monday for allegedly selling counterfeit tickets, parking passes and Super Bowl events around the city. . . .

If you procured your tickets from a legitimate oligarchical source (who should have shown you his "Certified 1%" license), you're probably OK. Otherwise you should head out for the long journey to MetLife Stadium in beautiful East Rutherford, NJ, with a backup plan in case your tickets turn out to be counterfeit.

Final official data on the quantity of ticket counterfeiting for Super Bowl XLVIII and its ranking among other Super Bowls won't be available until Monday at the earliest, but the NY-NJ Super Bowl XLVIII Host Committee was guardedly confident that their event will be at the very least strongly competitive. Said Host Committee spokesman Victor Schlemenko: "You have to remember, our ticket counterfeiters are selling fake tickets for a game in a freezing cold stadium in the wilds of New Jersey in the dead of winter. It's not like Hawaii or Bali or someplace."

MEANWHILE, THE GOOD NEWS IS . . .

Even if your tickets are fake, there's a good chance that you'll be able to get at least to if not actually in the stadium under the security system set up for access to the facility. As you probably know, you can't just sashay into the stadium. While limited convoys of armored Lexuses bearing 1%-ers may be allowed on the grounds, other attendees are required to take a NJ Transit train to Secaucus, where they may be able to transfer to the train to the stadium, via a system closely modeled on the German railroads' plan for transporting new arrivals to Auschwitz and the other Nazi death camps.

According to the MTA.info website:

How to get to the first outdoor, cold weather Super Bowl.

On February 2, MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey will be home to the National Football League’s Super Bowl XLVIII. If you have a ticket, the only way to reach the stadium is by public transportation, either a pre-arranged hotel shuttle bus, or NJTRANSIT train from Secaucus. No private vehicles will be allowed to approach the stadium without prior arrangement. Fortunately, public transportation options abound See our Regional Transit Diagram (PDF), which also shows the location of other Super Bowl events the week of the game. . . .

To reach the stadium on game day:
NJTRANSIT provides rail service directly to the stadium via Secaucus Junction. From the city, take any NJTRANSIT train from Penn Station one stop to Secaucus, then change to a stadium-bound shuttle train. Round-trip fare from Penn Station New York is $10.50. Only fans with Super Bowl tickets will be allowed to board the stadium-bound trains at Secaucus. Please be prepared to show your train ticket and game ticket. Travel time including the transfer is about 30 minutes. See NJTransit.com for details.

So you see, there's a good chance that your counterfeit tickets may be good enough to get you onto the stadium train. It seems likely, however, that a holding facility will be available onsite for holding phony-ticket detainees, until they can be, um . . . transferred to New Haven?

Probably you should bring a book, and maybe some chips or something to nosh on, and of course a beverage. Dress warmly.

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Hey, sports fans, it's raining phony 100s in Super Bowl City!

Plus: "Mullah John Smith" update


No, this isn't the alert for the current wave of phony $100 bills flooding Super Bowl City. Still, I think it conveys the general spirit of the current excitement in the Big Apple.

by Ken

Here in the Big Apple some of us are in the grip of Super Bowl XLVIII Mania. Or I should probably say "here in the Greater NY-NJ Metropolitan Area," since the NJ folk are touchy about being preempted by the Big Apple, what with the game being played in their state -- in East Rutherford's MetLife Stadium, the home of the, er, New York Giants and New York Jets.

Then again, some of us aren't. In the grip of Super Bowl XLVIII Mania, I mean. For some of us it's just a pointless pain, requiring us to keep track of where we can't go until the whole thing blows over.

There's talk of an economic windfall, but I for one don't expect to see any of it. And some contrarian types have been pointing out that any economic activity flying into the area is likely to be more than offset by the economic activity being driven out by the plague festivities.

While much of the talk of the town these days concerns whether and when the temperature will peek above the freezing mark. (The weather folk are optimistic for Super Sunday, but not by much and not much before.) Now it appears that there's evidence of one unquestioned economic inflow into Super Bowl City: of fake money.

(Of course, for some of us, daily routines aren't impinged on in any way by any degree of panic about the legitimacy of those 100s. The closest I've gotten to one in living memory is the image at the top of this post.)

Millions of Dollars in Phony $100 Bills Flooding the Big Apple

By Murray Weiss on January 30, 2014

NEW YORK CITY -- It’s all about the Benjamins.

An international counterfeiting ring has been pumping millions of dollars in phony $100 bills into New York and other cities in the metropolitan area over the past several years, forcing the Secret Service to step up its operation to shut it down, sources told "On The Inside."

Federal officials are tracking the mules who smuggle bogus bills into the country and distributing an alert to New York businesses, banks and security industry personnel that teaches how to detect the fake C-notes, a copy of which DNAinfo New York obtained.

The counterfeit cash appears to have been manufactured on offset printing machines using plates and ink, rather than on more sophisticated copiers, according to Michael Seremetis, the assistant special agent in charge of the New York Secret Service office.

The loot is produced in bulk and bundled into packages that are smuggled in luggage or carried on planes by couriers who get about 40 cents on the dollar to put the fakes into circulation.

"The network is similar to that of the narcotics trade," Seremetis explained. "It is distributed via a sophisticated network that involves several mules who do the passing of the notes here in the tri-state area."

The Secret Service warning says the bills contain a set of five different serial numbers and have two black 7s above the last zero on the lower right-hand corner, above the "100" mark on the back of the bill.

Although the Super Bowl game is taking place in the New York City area, officials are downplaying any connection between those festivities and the timing of their warning -- and insist counterfeiters are not using the big game as a convenient time to pass off their funny money.

The counterfeit cash frequently turns up in clubs, bars and casinos, officials said. Department stores over holiday periods are typical targets.

If you have a phony $100 that is confiscated, you will lose the value of the money but can declare a tax loss at the end of the year, officials said.

"We are asking the public to let us know if they encounter these bills," Seremetis said.

Officials asked anyone with information to call the Secret Service's New Haven office at (203) 865-2449, or the NYPD at 1-800-577-TIPS.  All calls will be kept confidential.

UPDATE: MY NEW FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER



In my post yesterday ("Confidential to Dilbert's CEO: If anybody makes a fuss about your drones-to-terrorists deal, just say, 'Who could have known?'") I suggested some possible emotional supports for those in the throes of varying stages of existential anxiety: a dose of Dilbert for those in merely up to their ankles; the latest Chris Hedges announcement-of-doom post ("The Myth of Human Progress and the Collapse of Complex Societies") for those in up to their necks or higher. With matters of such high urgency at issue, I fear that I gave unacceptably short shrift to a character who made an appearance -- or at any rate scored an allusion -- in one of the Dilbert strips. I'd like to rectify that now.

DILBERT -- Tuesday (click to enlarge)

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Oh, Thank God... Fake Louboutin Shoes Stopped At The Border Before They Could Embarrass Anyone

I don't know much about women's shoes but I remember a woman friend of mine who worked at a non-profit spending an astronomical amount of money on a pair once. They had shiny, red-lacquered soles and looked kind of clunky to me. But what do I know? I asked her how she could justify the cost-- she wanted to be reimbursed-- and she said she appeared on TV frequently and had to look great to sell the positions her non-profit was taking. That was the first time I ever heard about women's shoe designer Christian Louboutin. The shoes didn't look they were worth the $1,100 "investment" to me and when I saw her on TV the next couple of times I noticed that there were never any shots below the waste. Maybe they made her feel like she was on the top of the world or something. Louboutin's first customer is supposed to have been Princess Caroline of Monaco and that helped him snare fashion trend-setters-- in certain circles-- like Diane von Fürstenberg and Catherine Deneuve. They're absolutely a thing women who want to make a statement about being part of the one percent can use as a symbol. These days you seem them on the feet of Lady Gaga, J.Lo, Danielle Steel (who owns 6,000 pairs) and on Kardashians. My friend, it turned out, had a closetful. I wonder if any were made in China.

Christian Louboutin shoes, the real ones, are made in Italy. Last week $18 million worth of counterfeit Louboutins were confiscated at Southern California ports from 5 ships coming over from China. Louboutin makes 600,000 pairs of shoes a year (none in Asia) and he claims his original inspiration from a sign he saw at the Musée national des Arts d'Afrique et d'Océanie in Paris where he saw a sign from Africa forbidding women wearing sharp stilettos from entering a building for fear of damage to the extensive wood flooring. "I wanted to defy that," he later claimed. "I wanted to create something that broke rules and made women feel confident and empowered." Or at least rich ones. His empowering shoes bring in a quarter billion dollars annually... not counting the counterfeit ones, of course.

Making and selling fake Louboutins is big business and if you're buying them online from a website other than Louboutin's own-- or from a well known luxury brand outlet like Barneys, Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman or Nordstrom you're probably buying some cheap knock-offs-- even if you're paying a lot. There are thousands of sites claiming to sell Louboutins that sell counterfeits like the ones seized last week in Long Beach. U.S. Customs and Border Protection confiscated 20,457 pairs which cost around $3/pair to make (total value: $57,000) with a suggested retail value of around $18 million.

EXPENSIVE JUNK TO AVOID-- TODAY AND FOREVER

One of the things Roland loves doing when we go to Bangkok, something that basically makes no sense to me at all, is to buy fake Rolex watches and other brand name tokens to the excesses of consumerism. I like buying jade Buddha heads and traditional art. Last night we were pouring over tour books and planning out our trip to Burma and Roland blurted out, "Oh, I bet they have some cheap Rolexes at the Bogyoke Aung San Market or at the Theingyi Zei" (which is even cheaper and offers another Roland specialty that goes right over my head: a snake section that features the fresh blood and organs of various snakes; some live ones are disemboweled on the spot for medicinal consumption). Let a psychiatrist deal with the snake thing. I want to talk about the fake Rolexes. Actually, what I really want to talk about is a story in today's NY Times by Dana Thomas, author of Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster.

Ms Thomas deals with luxury items made in China and other places that are neither Italy nor France, but not the illegal counterfeits Roland craves, the super-expensive, authorized ones that have become a mainstay of the "democratized," newly middle class, luxury industry. "For more than a century, the luxury fashion business was made up of small family companies that produced beautiful items of the finest materials. It was a niche business for a niche clientele. But in the late 1980s, business tycoons began to buy up these companies and turn them into billion-dollar global brands producing millions of logo-covered items for the middle market. The executives labeled this rollout the 'democratization' of luxury, which is now a $157-billion-a-year industry."
Maybe this is where Bush gets his ideas about democratizing Iraq and the Middle east and any country he doesn't like. This is mostly bait-and-switch production, with the newly corporatized-- rather than democratized-- name brands outright lying, or just deceiving, about where and how their overpriced consumer garbage is made. Example: "To please customers looking for the 'Made in Italy' label, several luxury companies now have their goods made in Italy by illegal Chinese laborers. Today, the Tuscan town of Prato, just outside of Florence and long the center for leather-goods production for brands like Gucci and Prada, has the second-largest population of Chinese in Europe, after Paris. More than half of the 4,200 factories in Prato are owned by Chinese entrepreneurs, some of whom pay their Chinese workers as little as two Euros ($3) an hour."

Luxury brand executives who declare that their items can be made only in Western Europe because Western European artisans are the only people who know what true luxury is are being not only hypocritical but also xenophobic. They are not selling “dreams,” as they like to suggest; they are hawking low-cost, high-profit items wrapped in logos. Consumers should keep in mind that luxury brands are capable of producing real quality at a reasonable price. They know better, and so should we.

I avoid that stuff. Two days ago I noticed my Levys were precariously hanging together in a few sensitive areas by some threads so I braved Roland's scorn, drove over to a K-Mart and plunked down $15 for a new pair of Levys, which I intend to wear 'til they get drafty. And today, like I said earlier, is a Buy Nothing Day at my pad.