Rushin’ To Destruction, Part 5-- Melania: A Wife

-by Noah

What do we call this woman, this one half of the FLOTUS & BLOTUS combo? Should we call her First Ho? Queen Melanoma? Miss Money Honey? Lady Orange Dick? Money B. Best? Mommy Weirdest? Miss Chain Migration 2006? The Grabbed Pussy That Stuck? Lindsey Graham’s Worst Nightmare?

I really don’t care, do you? All of the above will suffice. All I care about is what she knows. She made a dark choice and she lives with it. She never seems to radiate true happiness but, as they say, money can’t buy you love, especially when you marry a man who is completely incapable of loving others. I give her credit for fortitude, though. She’s sly, too. I had a special appreciation for her wearing a tiffany blue dress to the inauguration, given her reported long-standing affair with the security chief of Tiffanys, which is located conveniently just downstairs from her New York apartment in Trump Tower. Who does she dream of more, the security guy or all that silver and gold jewelry in the store? Or does she just have nightmares in orange?

You bought it, you own it, babe.

Be Best what? So many questions about this woman. Her Secret Service name is “Muse,” so I guess that tells us what they think, and, certainly policy-wise, she echoes everything her hubby believes and wants. I wonder if she ever models a jewel-encrusted hood & sheet ensemble; tiffany-blue or traditional white? How long after The Donald’s failed presidency will they divorce, and which one will initiate the proceedings? What will be the grounds? Is The Donald a hitter? That certainly fits with what we know about him, every bit as much as his penchant for always eventually wanting a new and younger model. Who drew up the pre-nuptial agreement? Michael Cohen? Rudy Giuliani? Rupert Murdoch’s lawyer? Dr. Harold Bornstein? I bet it’s a doozy. Melania’s not dumb but it’s hard to imagine that the agreement favors her. So, if either of the partners moves for divorce, it’ll be Donnie Mental Case. If Melania initiated the divorce, I can see Little Donnie tying the proceedings up in various courts for the rest of his life. She’s much younger so she’ll wait him out. “Here, dear. Here’s another double cheeseburger.”

Whether it’s that infamous “I Don’t Care” jacket she wore to and from a visit to her husband’s prized collection of children in cages, or dressing up in a deliberately provocative colonial safari outfit to express solidarity with the white historical oppressors as she visited Africa, Melania Trump is determined to proudly express her being a total asshole. I’d say “inner asshole” but being an asshole is 100% outer with her. Don’t forget also that, while in Africa, she used her clothing choice to ape a Nazi archaeologist from a Raiders Of The Lost Ark movie. At this point, there can be no surprise if she visits Philadelphia, Mississippi wearing a shirt that depicts a lynching. It’s who she is and it wasn’t just her looks that attracted Little Donnie to her.

Melania Trump is no sympathetic figure. She has plenty of vileness to match her husband. The Secret Service chose a good name for her when they started calling her “Muse.”

Melania Trump chose her life. She may come to hate the marriage to a horrendous pig who humiliates her but she’s certainly not there to soften his rough edges. She may reject his hand in public from time to time and reports are that she sleeps in a separate bedroom clear on the other side of the White House. I can’t blame her for that but her political views appear to be no different than those of Stephen Miller or any of the other bipedal cancers that inhabit the Trump White House. She knows her role and she relishes it.

When Melania did the traditional FLOTUS thing and chose a signature cause, she selected bullying and named her campaign “Be Best.” At the time, she claimed that she was particularly “concerned” about the bullying of children. Apparently, in her sick mind, putting children in cages is not bullying. “Be Best” is now notorious for its sick irony and hypocrisy, so much so that most of us see that it stands either for “Be Best Hypocrite” or “Be Best Bully.” Does it matter which? Again, I don’t really care, do you?

On the off chance that Melania’s “Be Best” campaign is sincere, her silence in the face of her husband’s bullying Megyn Kelly, Gold Star families, military widows, and many, many more can’t help but make me wonder if she should add herself to the endless list of those being bullied by her husband. It’s either that or she agrees with him. You decide. To quote Lindsey Graham, “I’ve made up my mind” but at least, unlike that obsequious little worm, I looked at the evidence.

Melania Trump: Actress, Model, in her greatest role. Melania Trump: Actress, model, whatever it takes.