Trump's Penis Is Fair Game-- Albeit More Like A Squirrel Or Rabbit Than And Elephant Or Elk

-by Anonymous (Who the hell would want one’s name attached to this article?)

Since Trump takes the low road all of the time, Stormy is the perfect person to play his game. I say, “Go Stormy!” Stormy is coming out with a book, Full Disclosure, and some excerpts are showing up in the media. Stormy has provided a concise description of Trump’s penis and it isn’t pretty. (Although I would have to ask, would anyone actually use the word “pretty” to describe a penis?) [Obviously "Anonymous" is a straight male.]

As the age-old slogan in that old Wendy’s ad went, “Where’s the Beef?” Well, here’s the beef:

He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool… I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart ... It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.

In yesterday’s Hullabaloo, Digby writes:

There were many low points of the 2016 campaign but this was one of the lowest.



Stormy Daniels has written a new tell-all which explains why Trump felt the necessity to reassure the country that his equipment was adequate to the task of being the sexual assaulter in chief.

She (Stormy) describes Trump's penis as "smaller than average" but "not freakishly small."

"He knows he has an unusual penis," Daniels writes.

"It may have been the least impressive sex I'd ever had, but clearly, he didn't share that opinion."


I wouldn't normally discuss the presidential penis but he is the one who brought it up.

On national television.

There have been reactions that go with the “ewww factor” of Stormy’s revelations, such as in today’s Salon by Matthew Rozsa.

Stormy Daniels and Trump’s “endowment”: Why do we even care?

Let's talk for a moment about President Donald Trump's penis. Trust me, that's not a sentence I ever wanted to write. It is a sentence that I hope you never wanted to read. But considering that this is the same man who bragged about the size of his genitals during a Republican presidential debate way back in 2016, the topic was already in the political Zeitgeist even before anyone came forward to discuss having actually seen or otherwise experienced the member in question.

Rozsa then asks whether it is ok to be discussing Trump’s penis and concludes that it is should not be.

First of all, he resents her visuals.

For one thing, I happen to be a fan of Mario Kart, and now the character of Toad (i.e., "the mushroom character in Mario Kart") has been forever ruined for people who want to indulge in that innocent pastime. The same thing is true for Yetis; I never imagined them as having fur like pubic hair, but now that thought is burned into my brain.

Rozsa then offers reasons why such a discussion should not be taking place. To summarize, he doubts that the correct way to respond to bullying is by further bullying, and he suspects that the President will respond by exacerbating and elevating his machismo rather than by promoting a more enlightened discussion. Well, yeah!!

I am fed up with “let’s take the high road” when this has been getting us nowhere. I for one cheer that Stormy is exposing (ha ha) some extremely embarrassing details about the Orangeman. Whereas he generally has shown absolutely no shame about anything, this will undoubtedly embarrass him. Good, I say! He deserves it. He is the scum of the earth and Stormy is dishing out what he has been dishing out to the American people for almost two years.

Let’s take a look at a recent article in The Guardian, which differs from Rozsa’s point of view and is an excellent piece in support of Daniels’ expose. Is it acceptable to laugh at Donald Trump’s mushroom?

Any guilt over enjoying Stormy Daniels’s revelation should be weighed against how Trump’s policies hurt women. 
I see Stormy Daniels has a book out and everyone’s talking about a certain aesthetic judgment she makes. Is this really where we are now: judging how penises look? James, by email

Yes. So, for anyone who has been living under a rock for the past 36 hours, Daniels has indeed written a book in which she describes the president’s penis as “smaller than average … like the mushroom character in Mario Kart”. Try to enjoy your Nintendo Switch now, people.

Is it right that the world is now laughing at his penis? Well, given that Trump made a fortune from Miss America, which is all about reducing women to their various anatomical parts and judging them accordingly, this all feels like a rather pleasing O Henry story. No Mr. America crown for you, Mr. President. Only men with penises shaped like Luigi get that accolade. And there is some poetic justice in the world now laughing at Trump’s penis when he is currently trying to get Brett Kavanaugh on to the supreme court, primarily--as far as I can tell-- to overturn Roe v Wade. You want to control women’s vaginas, Donald? We’ll laugh at your penis. Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them, as the Margaret Atwood quote goes. And given that banning abortion, as Trump wishes to do, will end up costing women’s lives, it seems fair enough that we get to laugh at him. It’s not exactly a quid pro quo, but it will do.


Shall I go further? I think I shall: when I hear men-- a gender that has spent the past, oh, several millennia, explicitly discussing the appearance of women’s breasts, butts, legs, etc-- suddenly affecting horror at the idea of a woman laughing at a man’s penis, well, I hear a certain music on the wind, and that music is a tune played by the world’s smallest violin. (Any man who wishes to write in with a #notallmen-type complaint is welcome to write it down on a piece of paper, roll it up tight and stick it in any aperture on his anatomy where the sun does not shine.)

Much has been written about Daniels’s refusal to be shamed. But what is really remarkable about her is how she’s turned the whole narrative around. Not only will she not be humiliated-- she will humiliate him. And why not, damn it? She wasn’t the married one. She is not the one with the power to ruin women’s lives by banning global abortion funding and defunding Planned Parenthood while having bragged in the past how, when you’re a star, you can grab women “by the pussy.” He is. While we may well live in a post-shame era, Daniels knows how to hurt Trump. And given how much Trump is hurting women, I think this is one instance in which we can indulge in some guiltless body-shaming. Go get him, Stormy.

Besides, let’s look at some relevant history here. The Republicans were FINE with dishing out all kinds of disgusting dirt about Bill Clinton, and descriptions of Bill’s penis were out there circulating at the time of his impeachment.

This is from the May 2016 right-wing Daily Caller: ALLEGED MISTRESS: BILL CLINTON IS HUNG LIKE A CHILD

Former Miss Arkansas Sally Miller-- allegedly once President Bill Clinton’s mistress-- wrote this week that the former president’s manhood “performed well but, it was a little-boy penis that just never quite–grew-up.”

This March 2016 article in the New Republic is an excellent summary of our country’s penis history (yikes!), with a description of Clinton’s own. I have included a take on Lyndon Johnson, which is rather disgusting, although the whole topic is disgusting: The Presidential Penis: A Short History

An obsession with the president's phallus is a feature of American history long pre-dating Donald Trump.

By Jeet Heer

Lyndon Johnson was always eager to let those around him know that he had an unusually large penis. Reviewing a biography of Johnson in the New York Review of Books, historian Marshall Frady noted:

He early became fabled for a Rabelaisian earthiness, urinating in the parking lot of the House Office Building as the urge took him; if a colleague came into a Capitol bathroom as he was finishing at the urinal there, he would sometimes swing around still holding his member, which he liked to call “Jumbo,” hooting once, “Have you ever seen anything as big as this?,” and shaking it in almost a brandishing manner as he began discoursing about some pending legislation. At the same time, he would oblige aides to take dictation standing in the door of his office bathroom while he went about emptying his bowels, as if in some alpha-male ritual assertion of his primacy. Even on the floors of the House and Senate, he would extravagantly rummage away at his groin, sometimes reaching his hand through a pocket and leaning with half-lifted leg for more thorough access.

Thanks to various sex scandals, we have detailed descriptions of Bill Clinton’s penis. According to Robert Bennet, Clinton’s lawyer in the Paula Jones case, “In terms of size, shape, direction, whatever the devious mind wants to concoct, the president is a normal man. There are no blemishes, there are no moles, there are no growths.” The Independent offered a more prosaic account: “His erect penis is about five inches long, has the circumference of a quarter ... and heads off at an angle, presumably rather like a finger bent at the joint.”

Has anyone heard of Peyronies disease? Bent dick disease is a real thing and there are even commercials about it.

…Powerful men like Bill Clinton apparently suffer from it, as we learned in the Paula Jones case, in which she was able to describe distinguishing characteristics of Clinton’s penis-- specifically, Peyronie’s disease-- which was backed up by former Clinton mistresses, as well as apparently his medical exams. 

And for the grand finale:

Here is the coup d’état of penis stories that relate to current politics: Brett Kavanaugh’s no holds barred deep dive into this low level, lurid, topic regarding Bill Clinton, when he was an assistant to Ken Starr. Another stunning example of why Brett should NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be given the honor of Supreme Court justice. His character, to put it simply, sucks.

In last month’s Washington Post:

Kavanaugh wrote a memo in 1998 that was a bit harsh even for many of his colleagues, because whereas some of them didn't want to know every single dirty detail about Bill Clinton's penis, Kavanaugh wanted to dive onto that dick head first. He was Hungry Hungry Hippos, for knowledge of Bill Clinton's dick! Clinton's dick was the all you can eat buffet at Ryan's Family Steakhouse, and Brett Kavanaugh was there for the Early Bird Special! If Brett Kavanaugh was stranded in the desert, sexxxy knowledge about Bill Clinton's dick was the oasis Kavanaugh would hallucinate about one million times, and he would exclaim, "I have found the Fountain Of Bill Clinton's Dick! Verily, we will no longer starve in the desert!" (And then he would die in the desert, we guess, because Clinton's dick was just a thirsty fantasy.)

Here are more details on Brett Kavanaugh’s role in Bill Clinton’s impeachment.

The National Archives has begun the release of documents pertaining to the previous government service of Brett Kavanaugh, Really Great Guy and nominee for the Supreme Court. As we have been told, over and over again, Kavanaugh doesn't much approve of the idea of independent counsels and their ability to make presidents uncomfortable. This, of course, despite the fact that Kavanaugh was intimately involved in the Great Penis Hunt of 1998 on behalf of special counsel Kenneth Starr.

  Boy howdy, was Kavanaugh intimately involved. One might even say he was intimately involved intimately. From the Washington Post:

The memo was written Aug. 15 to Starr and “All Attorneys,” with the subject line: “Slack for the President?” It was Kavanaugh advice for the type of questioning for Clinton that would occur by Starr’s associates, who were trying to determine whether the president had committed perjury in a civil suit. “After reflecting this evening, I am strongly opposed to giving the President any ‘break’ in the questioning regarding the details of the Lewinsky relationship” unless he “resigns” or “confesses perjury,” Kavanaugh wrote, continuing: “He has required the urgent attention of the courts and the Supreme Court for frivolous privilege claims — all to cover up his oral sex from an intern. He has lied to his aides. He has lied to the American people. He has tried to disgrace you and the Office with As should be obvious, Kavanaugh, as Really Nice Guys will, pushed very hard to include in the record certain details:

• If Monica Lewinsky said you masturbated into a trash can in your secretary's office, would she be lying?
• If Monica Lewinsky said you ejaculated into her mouth on two occasions in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
• If Monica Lewinsky says that you inserted a cigar into her vagina while you were in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
• If Monica Lewinsky says that on several occasions you had her give her oral sex, made her stop, and then ejaculated into the sink in the bathroom off the Oval Office, would she be lying?

Christamighty, it's a good thing he's a Really Nice Guy, or else I'd think he was a bed-sniffing hypocrite and a sanctimonious yahoo who's spent his entire career as a Republican hack.

Go Stormy!