"Get Your Socks Today!" (You mean to save a lousy 35 bucks you'd pass up these Limited-Edition George H.W.Bush Socks?)

No, they 're not Bert Cooper's sock rejects, they're . . . well, see for yourself. The design is sure, er, distinctive. Get yours now at gop.com.

by Ken

Who says the Republican Party isn't a Party of Ideas? I believe the "makers not takers" at GOP Central have crafted their message for 2015 and beyond.


And there's more good news: "For a limited time, a group of donors will match every dollar you contribute to the RNC. Donate and double your impact today."

Yes, the electoral walls will come tumbling down as Republicans at all levels in all 50 states begin chanting this new message, which speaks to the country's economic malaise as well as its underlying confidence in America's future. Yes, it's afternoon in America. Let's say it all together now:

"Donate $35 or More to Get Your Socks Today"

Or, even pithier, "Get Your Socks Today!" I believe the new slogan is drawn from Rep. Paul Ryan's hot-off-the-presses manifesto The Way Forward, but I can't say for sure since I haven't actually read the book. (I've put it on my list of "Possible Things To Do" for the day when hell freezes over.) But I know that part of Pauly R's "way forward" is that from now on Republicans, instead of soliciting votes only from white males, is going to be competing for every single vote in the country, and sure enough the Republican National Committee's Socks Offer states:

We need your help to fully fund the RNC’s 50-state, Party-building plan that is vital to expanding our Republican Majority in the U.S. House, winning back the U.S. Senate and electing more GOP governors in the 2014 mid-term elections.

I know you're thinking that I'm just making this all up, or that I've maybe cribbed it from The Onion. Or maybe that this Web page is a relic from the dawning days of the Internet. But no, just go to the gop.com front page, and see if you don't see the Magic Socks.

STOCK UP! GET YOUR EMPLOYEES TO DONATE,
AND PEOPLE YOU FIND IN THE PHONE BOOK

Logical as it might seem, I don't think you can get additional pairs of socks by donating multiples of $35 -- say, $105 for a three-pack. But what you could do is have your friends donate, and your employees, and recently deceased people in your town, and people you find listed in the phone book. (You probably still have a phone book lying around.) Just so you know, everyone who contributes has to list their employer and occupation, which the RNC say it's "required by law to report." However, "if you are currently not working you may enter 'Retired' or 'Not Employed'." Hey, it's not as if the FEC is going to check or anything!

I suppose you could spread holiday cheer by donating in the names of all your friends and relations. (Then perhaps you could get them to pass the socks on to you! You don't think they'd actually consider wearing anything so hideous, do you?)

So remember, Get Your Socks Today®! Because if anything says "the way forward," it's blindingly grotesque socks commemorating that GOP icon George H.W. Bush!

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