When your local scoop shop can't even work out its cake-building issues, is it any wonder we're in the state we're in?

From the website of the Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shop at Broadway and 104th Street in Manhattan -- you should definitely click to enlarge, to understand what the fuss is about.

by Ken

This falls under the heading of Things That Probably Have a Totally Logical Explanation and Merely Seem Kind of Wacko. Nevertheless --

Is there a name for the cyber version of window-shopping? Now that I'm signed up for what seems like a dozen Groupon clones, even though I've strictly forbidden myself to buy anything, I still enjoy keeping an eye on the truckload of daily offerings, and (alas) the stuff that's most likely to grab my attention is stuff that can be eaten. So yesterday morning I actually looked into this AmazonLocal offering from the Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shop at Broadway and 104th Street, to "pay $10 and get $20 to spend on their premium ice cream cakes." (Please note, so there's no confusion, that this particular offer applies only to this one shop.)

It started with pure (OK, pure-ish) intellectual curiosity. Just how much does a Ben & Jerry's ice-cream cake go for anyways? In other words, just how much purchasing power would that "$20 to spend" confer in real ice-crem-cake terms? So I went to the shop's website, and ascertained that -- as you can see above -- a small cake ("feeds 4-6") is $23.95, which in my consumerist terms fits just about perfectly with the offer. The $20 value is entirely consumed, without too much extra to pay.

Of course it was a touch humiliating to realize that even in fantasy I was contemplating eating an ice-cream cake mean to feed 4-6 by myself. But that's not why I'm writing. If you blow the above webpage up, you'll see the following note:

**You must call the store with a credit card at hand to place the order: [phone number]. We are having an issue with the cake builder on this site. CALL for your order today.**

Um, say what? No, no, I get the part about the credit card. You're trying to run a business, after all. It's this "issue" you're having with "the cake builder on this site."

I don't know what that means, not even whether the "cake builder" is a "who" or a "what." (Am I the only one visualizing a burly "tool guy" type complete with low-hanging tool belt?) Apparently the "issue" is too delicate to be aired in public, from which I'm inclined to guess that it's not the now-commonplace issue of House Republican obstructionism, since those people tend to be very vocal about their obstruction. Still and all, why the heck are you telling us about the "issue," without actually telling us about it, instead of, you know, dealing with it? (Or maybe the problem is the House Republicans? They're the ones most adept at creating problems that can't be dealt with except by yielding to certifiable insanity.)

If I'm getting it right, this mysterious "cake builder" has thrown a figurative (or possibly literal) monkey wrench of some unspecifiable sort into the ice-cream-cake-building process, which you don't feel at liberty to discuss, except possibly on the phone, but which you do feel able to announce so boldly to the entire ice-cream-cake-consuming world? I could be wrong, but I still feel Eric Cantor is involved in this, or at least knows something about it. My suggestion: waterboarding.


I'm still guessing Eric Cantor knows something about the famous cake-building "issue." I say sweat the son of a bitch till he cracks, with waterboarding as a last resort -- okay, maybe a third or fourth resort.

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