Gene Robinson has an excellent suggestion for all celebrities planning to have affairs, and a question for Tiger

Somehow Pooper Scooper Barbie seems the right doll for this job. I was damned if we were going to have a picture of Tiger Woods.

by Ken

This is what I mean when I talk about readers developing a relationship with a writer. No, not a Tiger-type relationship, or a Kathy Bates-in-Misery type. The kind that happens when we meet on the page or screen. Before this morning I would have doubted that anything could get me to read about our Tiger's, er, troubled affairs. You couldn't make me care about what goes on on the golf course; I certainly couldn't care less what he does off it. And then I see that the Washington Post's Gene Robinson has written a column about it, "Tiger's validation complex," and I'm thinking, what could he have to say about it? I've got enough respect for him that my curiosity finally overwhelmed me, and I read the damned column. And it turns out he has two rather interesting points to make.

The points are based on two characteristics he's observed that Tiger's lady friends have in common.

First, they all seem to know, or know how to find high-priced lawyer-gunslingers, which sets the stage for play-now, pay-later outcomes. Gene relates this to "a theory about philandering developed by my colleague Roxanne Roberts, who has spent years covering the capital's libidinous social scene for The Post."

Roberts postulates that famous, powerful men who stray would be smart to choose women who have just as much to lose if the liaison were exposed. Some ultra-rich tycoon's young trophy wife, say, would fit that criterion. Cocktail waitresses and nightclub hostesses, not so much.

In fact, Woods seems to have hooked up with the kind of women who save old voice mails and text messages -- giving their high-priced legal counsel something to work with.

The other characteristic Gene sees Tiger's playmates having in common is that they all seem to be the exact same physical type, which prompts his "real question":

What's with the whole Barbie thing?

No offense to anyone who actually looks like Barbie, but it really is striking how much the women who've been linked to Woods resemble one another. I'm talking about the long hair, the specific body type, even the facial features. Mattel could sue for trademark infringement.

This may be the most interesting aspect of the whole Tiger Woods story -- and one of the most disappointing. He seems to have been bent on proving to himself that he could have any woman he wanted. But from the evidence, his aim wasn't variety but some kind of validation.

I'm making a big assumption here that the attraction for Woods was mostly physical, but there's no evidence thus far that he had a lot of time for deep conversation. If adultery is really about the power and satisfaction of conquest, Woods's self-esteem was apparently only boosted by bedding the kind of woman he thought other men lusted after -- the "Playmate of the Month" type that Hugh Hefner turned into the American gold standard.

But the world is full of beautiful women of all colors, shapes and sizes -- some with short hair or almond eyes, some with broad noses, some with yellow or brown skin. Woods appears to have bought into an "official" standard of beauty that is so conventional as to be almost oppressive.

His taste in mistresses leaves the impression of a man who is, deep down, both insecure and image-conscious -- a control freak even when he's committing "transgressions."

Which makes two much more interesting points than I would have thought could be extracted from the situation. Credit them to Mr. Robinson's account.

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